Day 281

Due to a lack of energy and motivation yesterday, when my pace could not be described as “slow motion”, I did not achieve anything. So, I begin today with intention and hope the body will allow housework, exercise, and walking, the basics. Last day of November and not one word is written in the paper journal. Will December open up the flow of words? These 81 words are often not enough and sometimes too many to remember the day.

Day 280

A day with no agenda except the regular events. I am starting with the PT exercises as I know it makes a difference to my day. And walking is also important. Then I plan to do a serious purge of the back closet. I can amass the unused clothing and take it to the used clothing store to exchange for a change in wardrobe. I’m hoping for something new today whether it be an opportunity, or an idea, or a person.

Day 279

Monday and back to the senior center duty after a week off. There are people there that I look forward to seeing and sometimes it is boring because there is nothing to do. I’m kind of stuck at my desk. Taking a vacation from news has been good. I can’t deal with the bigger world right now so am concentrating on what I can do and that’s right here at home. The anger and hate are too much and I’m anxious. 

Day 278

The memorial was well attended and well done. Lots of laughing and hugs. I walked in the wind and rain yesterday and got a chill. Felt poorly for about an hour and then up and running again. Today is the first day of Advent and I will go to church. Later, more turkey soup full of noodles, chard, and kale. I have floors to tend and may get more deep cleaning done. I have enjoyed the neat closet. Now for drawers.

POH

In the early 1970’s, I was assigned to a special education pilot program for brain injured and emotionally disturbed children. My class was called Primary One because I had the students with little or no academic skills. They were different ages since it was not set up like a grade level class. I had siblings who had started a fire that resulted in the death of a sibling. I want to write about Matt Lehman who was six years old at the time. Blue eyed, blond haired, cute looking and stiff as a stone statue. I had a rocking chair and I would pick him up and rock him until he relaxed enough to make eye contact and then we would talk. He made great progress in the three R’s. It was an engineered classroom, fully structured and made use of task cards that earned rewards at the end of the day. An m&m was placed on each check on the card.

A few months ago, I came out of Safeway and was called by a guy in an old beat up pickup truck. I went over to see who called me and it was Matt, methed up and tweaked to the max. “You owe me three M&M’s”. He remembered a time when he felt safe and cared for. I wish I could say that I saved him from what was inevitable but I did make a difference once.

Day 277

Another stormy day and I want to get out before the rain starts. Later I will go to Jerry Gordon’s memorial. He was a sweet man and I’m glad he didn’t live to see the results of the election. He, Gene, and Robert were passionate democrats and Hillary supporters. They would be heartbroken at the election of the orange man. I have turkey soup and bone broth. Both will serve my body. The dogs will feast on the pickings for days.

Day 276

We had a good dinner together after the usual fun with four dogs in the kitchen hoping something would fall on them. Our simplified menu works well and even with it, we had enough food for today and tomorrow! It was a juicy turkey, great dressing, garlic mashed potatoes and three vegetables. We didn’t bother with pie since nobody ever eats it on Thanksgiving. We have crusty rolls for sandwiches. I get to make soup, my favorite part of the feast.

Day 275

Thanksgiving Day. Turkey is waiting, the ingredients for dinner are on hand. Hollie and I will fix plenty of our simple menu. Yesterday Della was back to herself, wagging and prancing around. Blessed dog. I texted my people early with a message of thankfulness for them. Now I know who gets up early and turns on their phones! I love my friends. My life is full. Yes, exercises first, quick walk before the rain starts again. Self-care doesn’t take a holiday.

Day 274

Rosie and I made progress with our conscious saging program. The board of supervisors meeting was ho-hum. Not much business on this holiday week. Megan is home. We will hear about her trip later when Hollie comes for our shopping trip. We have cut down our dinner to basics and I like it that way. As long as there is lots of food, we don’t need frills. May get the morning routine done early. I need the exercises and the walk.

Day 273

I woke up without a headache! The vet gave advice and information and Della has been normal after seizures all day Sunday. Hopefully this was an aberration and won’t happen often. Today Rosie and I will have our breakfast meeting about conscious saging and then attend the board of supervisors meeting together. I will exercise early and walk later before the rain starts again. Megan is in Davis to attend a masters’ class in accounting. She may go there next year. 

Day 272

No church yesterday. Not well. Art and Ellen came to see if Art could fix the TV. We took it back to Walmart and got another one. It didn’t work either so another trip to get a third set. It works after Art spent an hour on the phone with tech support. Della is not well. She is acting like she’s having petit mal seizures. I’ll get her to the vet. Not a good day. Hoping for relief today. Too much stress.

Day 271

Still feeling fragile this morning. This is a long time to feel unwell. Yesterday I mainly sat and ate junk. I did get out for short walks between rain showers. I saw a double rainbow and that was a treat. Today I may go to church. I’ll decide later when I see how my head is doing. I do want to clean the closet and make a pile of give-aways. I own things that I do not and will not use.

Day 270

New TV installed but not in tune with the cable so I need two remotes. I’ll find a fix for that. Not feeling tip-top. The headaches and visual disturbances are a nuisance. Coffee usually takes the worst of it and I can deal with the dull feelings. It’s storming outside and I’m hoping to get out between showers. I need a foray to the grocery store. I’m in the mood for a meat loaf with two meats and several vegs inside.

Day 269

Not full of vigor but doing fine. Today is dog wash day and when I drop them off, I will go to Walmart and buy a new television set. The old one has had it and I admit to my addiction to watching TV. I may buy a new hot tub too. I’m missing my spa time. It’s been a year without and I need to do it or get rid of the sauna as I don’t use it by itself. 

Day 268

Routine day except the TV won’t respond to the remote and so I’ll buy a new set. Same old senior center duty except Hollie may stop by after her doctor visit. Same old dog sitting except Megan will come home and she has a week off from school. Same old walking except Cooper Street is still flooded so there is no traffic to watch for. Same old headache even though Karen worked on my neck. No exercises when my head aches.

Day 267

The highlight of yesterday was time with Rosie. We took the first lesson apart and simplified it, personalized it, and agreed to move on. She will join me at the board of supervisors meetings to keep track of the creeps that won the local elections. The whole country seems to be on the lowest of the low roads and someone has to bring positivity and hope.  PTSD symptoms are rampant and staying connected to like-minded people is essential to mental wellbeing. 

Day 266

Today will start with the routine and then breakfast with Rosie. We are going to design our own curriculum for conscious saging. Yesterday was okay. I did get the exercises done well before walking and had a later walk too. The senior center was okay and I promised Chef Charlie that I would write a letter to the editor about lunch. We need a bigger number of diners. He does a good job of bringing variety and nutrition to the meals.

Day 265

I did walk. Church did help. The hydrangea did get cut down. The mood was lighter although anxiety hit at night again. The awful kicked in the stomach feeling is still there. It’s Monday and a new day. The moon peeked out from a veil of clouds. It was a super moon and has made high tides. Rain is coming for the week. I will get out and walk early before it rains. Senior Center duty and home for something else.

Day 264

Woke up after another night fraught with anxiety.  I had to get up about midnight and walk around, look out the windows, and see that everything is the same. This morning I am achy but not in pain. I’m hoping to get a good walk after four days of walking stick and pain meds. Church this morning and Fr. David will be here. Hoping for hope to come from the service. I will finish cutting the hydrangea as it will rain tomorrow.

POH

I admire Michelle Obama for the way she used her position to promote nutrition and exercise for children. Her predecessors have chosen new china patterns, painted room and redecorated public spaces in the White House but Michelle will leave a legacy that lasts forever. Michelle had a position in Chicago as a hospital administrator, a job she did competently. She didn’t want her husband to run for the presidency but supported him through the tough campaigns.  I like that she has sheltered her children and brought her mother with the family so the girls have a stable life in spite of travel, meetings, and other events that take the parents away. The girls are included in some visits to foreign countries when it is appropriate. I read an article that said the programs to emphasis diet and exercise had substantially brought down the percentage of child hood obesity.

There is a program on the food network hosted by Robert called Restaurant impossible where he changes kitchens and management to improve the business. Michelle invited him to a child care center in the darkest and poorest part of DC. Two volunteers fixed meals in a home style kitchen and had to feed the children outside. Robert took down walls, built a big kitchen and dining room and invited her to lunch with the children. Wonderful, she said, but there’s more. She asked Robert to build a garden and he did with the help of gardeners. They showed the kids how to grow vegetables and tend the gardens.

Day 263

The shock is wearing off and then comes back in waves of anguish. News is awful and already shows the ugly behavior that it started. The good stuff from yesterday was the successful walk in the parade and the bystanders who joined us. Then Hollie and Megan and I went to SeaWest and had pad thai and it was a delicious meal with laughing. Today I have errands and shopping early. Still feeling tired and having pain in my arthritic joints.

Day 262

Today I will walk in the Veterans’ Day parade and I hope others will join to show that we are still alive and well and already getting busy on steadying each other. Later I may have energy for the yard. We are between rain showers and I have more to clear. Megan sent a message about the university pall and the hope songs from the students. They are the future. We must find positive ways to overcome. I love my country.

Dday 261

Yesterday was horrible. The shock and seasick feelings lasted all day. Unsteady and unwilling to accept the results. Then the car battery died, I gave bad directions to Erna to come and get me for my HICAP appointment with Helen, and finally connected with Les Schwab for a new battery. Exhausting day all around. I did sleep and today is fresh. I need pain management exercises and house tidying for writing/story group. The group is the high spot in the week.

Day 260

The nightmare happened when I woke up and found that it was the president. It’s out of my ability to comprehend how anyone, to say nothing of a majority of voters, could lose their moral compasses and elect that person. I fear for my country and its place in the world. Makes me comforted that California is a blue state. Also glad that Robert, Gene, and Jerry are gone and won’t have to suffer with this situation. Local is also bad.

Day 259

It’s election day but the anxiety won’t go until the finals happen and then what? I had a good morning yesterday and a kind of blah afternoon. Today I will walk first, then go to the board of supervisors meeting. It should be interesting in light of the dirty tricks played by two of the candidates. If either of them win, then a recall will happen tomorrow. I’m hoping this restless energy will find a focus. I will clean the yard.

Day 258

I watched Christmas movies on hallmark channel. I did get out for a walk and went to church. It was all saints’ day and I talked about Kim who was not a saint but was my hero for the brave way he lived his simple complicated life. I had tears and again later. Today I’ll get out early to walk. It is now dark by 5 PM so getting out means doing the morning routine fast enough to enjoy morning light. 

Day 257

It was a quiet day and I expect today will be. Church is on the agenda along with the regular items. Life is routine and that is fine with me. Motivation is still high on the priority list. I want my body to serve as long as possible and I’m in charge of the program to do that. Must admit my nutrition yesterday was not good. I leaned toward carbohydrates and little else. Anxiety over the political scene could be contributing.

POH

I graduated from HSC in 1964 after 12 years of regular classes, summer sessions, extension classes, and correspondence courses. My husband bought me a motorcycle to celebrate. It was a trail bike with knobby tires. He had a big bike. I had to have motorcycle boots because in those days it had a kick starter and the thing would come back and sock me in the ankle. A few bruises and I was ready to wear the boots. The first time I dropped it was in gravel. He ran over to check on the bike. Didn’t notice the blood on my elbow and cheek. I would take Hollie on the front with me and he would take both boys, one in front and one in back. We had fun trips around the back roads and trails close to our home. In the divorce, he took the motorcycle and gave it to his sister. The first time she rode it, it threw her on the ground and broke her arm. I had a hard time feeling bad about it.

Day 256

Yesterday was productive. Filled the agenda. While I was under the lemon tree, a cat came over the fence. Della and the cat made friends. It was sweet. It was the most animated that I have seen Della since she became blind. Today I will get out early to beat the rain for a good long walk. Megan and I made a run to Daily Bread with her purged stuff including a dresser. She is learning to downsize and enjoy space.

Day 255

Early shopping and errands today and then settle in to the yard work. I may get under the lemon tree and remove the lowest branches so it can get dry. Too many sluggy things live under there. I’ll do more trimming of the shrubs too. These warm days need to be used well before we are cold and dark. Maybe physical work will help with the restlessness that I can’t seem to focus. Exercising and walking are always on the agenda.

Day 254

No, nothing new occurred. Guess I have to go find something as it’s increasingly obvious that sitting here isn’t going to change anything. I took a couple of long walks, did a tiny bit of housework, emptied the dishwasher and that’s about all. What’s going on when my physical energy is up and I don’t know what to do with it. Kelle had a bad day and called to debrief and cry. I’m glad to be here to hear and empathize. 

Day 253

A day with only routine agenda. Maybe Rosie and I will study or make a plan for later. The Dems need phone call people to get the voters out. May do that for an hour or two. May clean house or clean the yard or not. Maybe find something new and stimulating, something fun. I’m ready for a new activity or new people. And I like my routine days. That may be enough for today while staying aware of possible opportunities.

Day 252

November 1^st, a week until the election happens. I’m sickened by the deluge of ugliness. It’s the first time I’ve been glad that Gene is not alive. He would be desperately unhappy at what’s happening in his beloved country. I grieve with his spirit. Misty morning so exercise first, then walk, then the deep massage that Sarah gives my body. I want more from my days, proof that I’m feeling well. If I’m wimpy, I don’t care about getting anything done.