Day 343

Had a long walk after senior center duty. The bouncy energy from a few days ago has slowed to a crawl. I was walking, slow or not. I can make today up as I go along. House stuff? I want to purge the closet and then make a trip to the used clothing store. I want another trip to the art galleries downtown. Might poke around a second hand store without looking for anything special. Just a day for random interests.

Day 342

Today I’ll get a walk early before I get gussied up for senior center duty. It was a quiet and comfortable weekend and the week will be routine. I sent my post to Facebook and had positive responses. I can be a productive resistor to the awful changes in my country. It’s already nearly uncognizable. I grieve for us all especially the young people who will be most affected. Megan has had unpleasant experience trying to tell facts to the opposition.

I do not watch national news. It is too disturbing. I scroll past Facebook posts that are distressing. I will not allow myself to feel insignificant or powerless. I have a voice, hands, and feet and I will use them productively. This is my ground. This is where my life is happening. I can keep my bills paid on time, I can keep my house clean. I can make a neat yard. I can keep my eye on my neighborhood. I participate in my church. I volunteer in my community. I pick up trash. I attend public meetings. I want to be part the solution by monitoring the threat of trickle down from the unpleasantness that is currently around us. I show up, I listen, I tell my truth, and I share. 

Day 341

Annual meeting after the church service. I want to know the status of our tiny congregation. I’m wondering how long we can last without either more members or financial help from somewhere. Yesterday I planted day lilies in both terra cotta planters. They are hardy and colorful plants. Now I have clean planters for later when the annuals arrive. I’ll get outside again as the rain will come back in a couple of days. I enjoyed the soup with farm vegetables.

Day 340

It was another productive day. Cleaned out three of the planters after a long walk to town and a tour of two art galleries. We have lovely things in our community. Need to view more often and take people with me. Today I’ll make a big vegetable soup using bone broth and Ocean Air farm carrots and cabbage. Hope Megan will go with me. She holes up with homework and needs to see the sun while it’s out. Life is good.

Day 339

Imagine being excited about walking and I am. After weeks of pain and waiting for help, I seem to be healing myself. Walking feels like freedom. Being out has been part of my life forever. It is the reason I bought this house forty years ago. Today I’ll be out early again, smiling and waving at everybody. Later I’ll get busy with mundane chores like grocery shopping and sweeping the floors. Might get to the nursery for a pink camellia bush.

Day 338

Another good day! I am getting used to this energy and attitude of positivity and productivity. I did straighten the garden shed and take most of the stuff off the top of the sauna. The boxes of papers are still there. Too heavy for me. I cleaned two more of the planters and put the paperwhite bulbs in one of them. The tulips and daffodils are poking up. I walked outside! Three days in a row of successful walking without difficulty.

Day 337

The political mess kept getting in my mind and restless sleep. Megan is depressed and angry about the decline in the government while I coped with it locally. The Board of Supervisors meeting was a microcosm of the other one and the skullduggery was obvious. I said I would be there and report it and I will. Today I’ll dig in to cleaning the garden shed and the top of the sauna. Cleaning is my metaphor for internal sorting and prioritizing.

Day 336

I can say it: Yesterday was a good day! Haven’t said that for a long time. Maybe the low spot is passing. It’s hard to remember that what goes down also goes up again. It was a good day because of positive connections with others, opportunities to be helpful and use my knowledge, get lots of hugs and smiles, and clear a bunch of stuff out of the yard. Today I’ll get busy again and hope to repeat the good feelings.

Day 335

Monday morning will begin with a bone scan. I’m looking forward to good news. Two years ago I was diagnosed with osteoporosis and since then I have walked, exercised, eaten well, taken supplements etc., everything I know how to do to grow bones again. Later, senior center duty, and an afternoon with four dogs. Megan left at 6 AM and has long commuting days at college. The stormy stuff should subside today. A string of dry days will be a relief. 

Day 334

Or I can waste Saturday and do better with Sunday. I feel heavy and dull. It’s not just the weather, it’s the pervasive atmosphere of gloom and grief for my country. The marches yesterday were a signal of support and needs to be a start, not a stand-alone event. I will continue to take part locally and that’s all I can do. I may go to church if the wind isn’t gale force. I need to socialize after a day alone.

Day 333

New rebounder! The old one had soft spots and could be dangerous. This one has a handle that I use to get up and down. Once the weather and my leg clear up and I can walk outside again, it can store on the sunporch. It’s wet and windy again and the barometer is as low as I’ve ever seen it. More storms for sure. I may go to the farm stand anyway. It’s a Saturday event. Always possible indoor chores.

Day 332

Well, another disappointing day. Story group was Carol and me. Laurie cancelled and no one else did. I’m going to put it on hold until spring. I’m feeling disregarded and disrespected so I had better be sure that I am giving regard and respect to others. Jim forgot to pick me up for the Dem meeting. I did get an appointment with Dr. Duncan after not receiving a call from the office. I had to call them again. Am I invisible?

Day 331

No news about the medical issue. I am going to heal myself before I get help. Today I’m looking forward to senior center duty. It’s foster g’parents’ day and I enjoy seeing them for their meeting. Later, story group and that is definitely a highlight in this gray wet windy week. Megan had a hard day and I’m sure she will cocoon today. Glad she is home safe. Karen’s massage knit my body into one piece. She helps with the hypervigilance.

Day 330

It took most of the day to wear out my mood and I did get my sunny disposition back. Also sorted out the file cabinet, a job I have put off for weeks and immersed the orchids. They are perky in spite of the lack of light. The storm started and will be here for a week. Big today is a massage with Karen. She helps in many ways. Dr. Duncan’s office will receive a call and Deb Tyler will also.

Day 329

Great plans yesterday. None of them worked. I was not well enough to do anything useful. Jim forgot to pick me up for the Dem meeting so I was not happy. I did not need another disrespectful act. I had better get attention from the FNP Deb today regarding the referral to Dr. Duncan. I am not invisible or worthless. Jim knows how I feel about his mistake. She will also know how I feel about her lack of follow through.

Day 328

I was active yesterday and enjoyed every minute. I like days when I do what I say I’m going to do. It means my energy and motivation match. Today I will clear more places in the yard. We’re in for another series of rain storms and I want mulch on all the plants before they start. I have bulbs to plant too. This evening I will go to the Democratic committee meeting and decide if I want to be a member.

Day 327

I walked to the post office yesterday and then bought junk food. Neither activity was okay. Bad choices. Starting over with intention. First church, then attack Megan’s yard with loppers to clear the wild fuchsia bushes and the scraggly rose bush. Then I’ll pile mulch from the bales on the roots and let them start over in the spring. The sun has little warmth but is welcome to the eyes and soul. Another stretch of rainy days is coming this week. 

Day 326

Rosie and I had a good visit plus progress on our plans for elder circles. I didn’t go out for a walk. No energy. For some reason, resting isn’t enough. Now I’ve had ten hours in bed and I’m still tired. I have less pain in my hip and can walk around the house just fine. Today Megan and I will go to the farm stand and take on fresh produce. A few groceries and then rest again. Must catch up.

Day 325

Friday the 13^th. A good luck day. Rosie is coming over this morning and we will get back to work on the curriculum for the elder circles. I admit to a lack of motivation and it’s coming back again. She has such good ideas and energy for the project. I’m fine on letting her lead. It’s cold out and I will walk outside. The rebounder and pacing is okay in the rain and wind but no substitute for the real thing.

Day 324

Shopping was fun and practical too. I haven’t been in stores for weeks and now I have new shoes and food in the pantry. It’s always a pleasure to spend the day with Megan and Hollie. We had our favorite Szechwan Chow Mein at Chan’s that is enough for two meals! Spicy and delicious. Today is senior center duty and I’m looking forward to being out with people. The sun will be welcome after the gray days. Time to get busy.

Day 323

Attended the Board of Supervisors meeting as promised and will continue to observe the workings of our elected ones. They need to be watched carefully. Today Megan, Hollie and I will shop in Brookings. I’m looking forward to the change. Haven’t been out of town or shopping for weeks. I cried during President Obama’s farewell address. I will miss him and the family. We were blessed with him and he moved the country ahead. Now what? Whatever comes, I’ll be active.

Day 322

I did have a day of taking care of business! Back to the physical therapy exercises and it felt good to get it done. The senior center was fun and stimulating. Often it is routine but people make a difference. Conversations with depth and connections are my favorite. I also decided to join the democratic committee. I need to act and that is the group who leads the liberals here. We must support and respond to the political changes. I’m in.

Day 321

Wet and windy outside. Besides senior center duty, I wish self-discipline would emerge from hibernation and get life moving again. I did write a bit yesterday about the history of our story group. It is a gem among the pebbles of routine. The way whoever comes is just right for connections and mutual understanding is awesome. I also enjoy knowing they are coming because I clean the house! Just for today I will do what I say I want to do. 

Day 320

Stormy. May stay in all day. I sure would like to write something new. The POH list is not helpful as I have used most of the memories already. In almost 82 years, I must have memorable events to record. Or thoughts about life and the future. Instead of concentrating on my history, I distract with the help of the easily available stories on television. I paced and pranced yesterday and added steps. I miss walking. I want my routine back.

POH

“What’s in a name?” That is how Fr. David began his sermon on Sunday and it brought back memories of the importance of names. Names are bridges between people. Names connect us. The name on my birth certificate is Shirley Jean Simon. I went by that name through several schools beginning with Kindergarten at Mt. Rose school in Reno, and other schools there, in Missoula, Montana, and finally, in Salt Lake City, Utah. I was seven years old and can remember vividly kneeling on a kitchen chair, leaning over a pad of paper and learning to write Sharon Jeanne Simons. At first I felt awkward about the new name feeling that I was lying about who I was. There were so many secrets in my family of origin and I’m not sure why my name was changed. My father changed his name from Maurice Simon to Bruce Simons to escape the Jewish connection to his father’s family. Mother was named Ruth and started being called Betty. Father did not want them going through life as Ruth and Maurice Simon. My brother and I didn’t know about this until we were adults and were told by an uncle who still went by Simon.

As a teacher I knew the importance of being acknowledged by name. I made sure every new student had his name spoken until the class knew it and knew something about the new person. I assigned one of the responsible students to show the new person around and made him comfortable. And now as a volunteer at the senior center, I use names abundantly. The smiles from the diners when I call them by name and remember something personal about them is rewarding.

Day 319

I walked yesterday and it felt good to be outside. Minimum pain and much benefit. Now we’ve settled in for a week of rain and although it is warmer, it will enforce the resting stuff. I had some brilliant idea in the middle of the night and it fled with Minnie announcing her desperate need for breakfast. Oh well, if it was a worthwhile idea, it will come again. I have been writing a page a day in the paper journal.

Day 318

Cold Friday morning. No agenda except the dreaded resting. I’m not good at doing nothing and knowing that that is all for the good doesn’t help my mood. Walking is a big part of my life and I miss being outside and enjoying activity. So, quit whining and find  quiet resting day fun things to do like closet cleaning. I’d like to hear from Dr. Duncan’s office with an appointment. Yesterday Laurie, Carol, and I were joined by Megan for stories.

Day 317

Cold morning after a warm deep sleep. The sun yesterday made a difference in my mood. I walked to the store with a minimum of discomfort. Mrs. Tyler said rest and ice and don’t push myself but I do anyway. The bursitis and muscle inflammation and now a tear someplace are making me aware that pushing myself is not a good thing this time. After senior center duty, my favorite time, story/writing group! I look forward to our tea get-togethers.

Day 316

Except of Sarah, the above agenda did not happen. Maybe today. I like waking up with positive intentions and I don’t know why they go astray. I did write a page in my journal and felt connected to my feelings with words. It’s too cold to go for a walk and I’ll fix the cover on the Meier Lemon tree as a hard freeze is coming tonight. Today I will see the dermatologist and the nurse practitioner about the inflammation/bursitis pain.

Day 315

Another cold day with the possibility of a bundled up walk early followed by a massage from Sarah. The crock pot is full of ham hocks and beans. The soup part is my favorite. After four days of sitting and eating and distraction by TV, I’m needy for moving and action. I will give the floors a tidying and the kitchen a brief scrub. That will satisfy my domestic critic. The journal is open and calling. I did promise, didn’t I?

Day 314

The pain from the bursitis and muscle inflammation are practically gone. I can walk normally and the right leg will hold my weight. Resting works. Thanks to the rebounder I have kept up with modest exercise and hopefully have not lost all the muscle tone I worked hard to acquire. I will watch Downton Abbey again. It is a simply a dressed up soap opera and I’m enjoying it. It’s too cold and wet to walk or do yard work anyway

Day 313

It is time to get my act together and show progress with my life. I’ve been on hold for months now and I can’t continue. I need to see that I can do what I say I’m going to do. I will pull myself away from the distraction to TV and attend church with the intention of participating at least in the coffee hour. I need socializing to balance the days of solitude. I will begin again to maintain daily journaling