Day 159

July has not been a good month for energy and positivity. It’s been good for the garden and the tomatoes are an example of our climate and straw bales. I may go to church today. Missed it all month and am still feeling distance there. Anyway, I’ll start with routine: watering orchids and walking. Then I’ll figure out what I need to do next. There is always more yard work and getting ready for a week with an obligation every day.

POH

While rummaging around in drawers looking for something, I found my trip journal from Greece. Now there’s a story for POH. No, there are several stories there so I had to select one. Stuck in the journal were photographs and one is of the “Pefkos taxi.”

One day Zev and I decided we wanted to explore the island and asked our hostess, Peg, how we could get to a beach on the Mediterranean. She told us to go down to the square and ask for the taxi to Pefkos. We walked down the narrow stone paved street, past the bakery and the tiny store, and into the square. It was bank day and the truck was there to serve the people. We found one guy who spoke English and he pointed us where to find the taxi.

The taxi turned out to be donkeys for rent. They were saddled and ready. Don’t worry, said the man, they know the way and they will get you back safely. We got on the donkeys and off we went through the rocky, nearly bare hills with only a few olive trees and many shrines. Seemed like there was a small enclosure for a religious statue nearly every half mile, maybe more often than that. And then there was Pefkos, a couple of buildings and no people. We went down to the beach and the glorious sea, blue and clear and warm. We got wet and then laid on the sand enjoying the sun and air. It was a perfect time. The return trip was another adventure and I must say that donkey riding is not my preferred manner of transportation but it was a lovely day.

Day 158

I did deweed the north side, all berry vines and weeds are gone. Also took the giant weed out from under the fuel tank and poured weed killer on the ground. It’s hard to get under the tank and I want it to stay clear there. Thursday was the first good day in the whole month of July. I want to be keep feeling well. Farmers’ market this morning and I want fruit from the cron people, apricots, peaches, and plums.

Day 157

I stayed home yesterday and it was a mini-vacation. I felt like I was playing hooky but just didn’t want to go. I’m feeling better this morning. It’s safe to be around me as I don’t feel like biting anyone with sharp words. I don’t know why I get these spells as I do a good job with my health. Low energy messes with my attitude. I want to clean up the north side weeds and maybe part of Megan’s yard.

Day 156

Stayed home yesterday. I didn’t feel well enough to get out. No really ill, just not well. I did a walk after 5 PM. Just had to air myself out in the cool wind. This energy slump takes a toll on my attitude too and I’m still feeling an edge. May stay home from the senior center today and let my body rest. I found my trip journal from the trip to Greece and had fun reliving that experience. Next POH story.

Day 155

Long deep sleep. Karen’s massage knocked me out! She said I was depleted and I agreed that my reserves are low and limited. I’ve been short on patience and quick to feel irritated. Here’s hoping Karen moved it out. It’s so cool this morning that I turned on the heater. I’ll get out and walk and get ready for museum duty. It is usually interesting. I like the visitors stories about their travels. It’s as close as I want to travelling.

Day 154

I admit that having only myself and two dogs and routine is comfortable. I’ll get out for a walk in the fog when I’m ready. No errands, no stopping at the store. Just walking for exercise and observing my surroundings. I like living here and taking advantage of all the beautiful scenes. I may walk to the beach or the harbor and always around the park. Later, board of supervisors meetings and later still, Karen for a massage. Life is good.

Day 153

Last week in July. Egads. Kelle will leave this afternoon and the chimes are back outside ready to report the wind. Back to routine with a walk, the senior center duty, and taking care of the garden. Brought in the first cabbage and it is a fine fat specimen. I’ll pick peas and kale for Cheri. I’m hoping to hear from physical therapy today to start getting back in shape. I need a kick start and then I’ll do it myself.

Day 152

It was a busy day with puttering and errands and walking. In the afternoon, Megan joined us and after a walk through the park we had pizza at Sea Quake. It was time well spent with a beautiful day and a new place to explore. Today is overcast and warm and walking will be on the agenda again. I’m not going to church. I may attend on the days Fr. David comes because Communion draws me. The ritual is the connection. 

POH

Summer weather in Santa Cruz is similar to ours. The hotter it gets inland, the cooler and foggier the coast gets to be. During one summer session At UCSC, I lived in a coed dorm and learned to get up early and out before the others were up. In the morning I would go out and walk up the dry grass slope to the dining hall for coffee. I would take my cup and sit outside on a bench that faced downhill. One morning the fog was right down to the ground and there was not a breath of wind. My eyes and ears trained in the eerie hush when the stillness and calm were broken by a far off sound. My ears perked up trying to figure out what the sound was. It was high pitched and had a tone that was strange to me. I peered into the fog trying to see what was coming up the slope for the sounds were getting stronger and more sounds were coming to me. Then I recognized bagpipes and what sounded like a mournful dirge. Sure enough, I could see the beginning of the leader in full regalia emerging out of the fog like in a dream. He was followed by a whole troop of bagpipers and the full range of their sounds filled the whole area. As they walked passed me into the dining room, I followed them. There were about 15 men and they took up the space with laughing and calling back and forth across the tables. Many had Scots accents. I couldn’t help staring and listening to them. The beauty of their costumes and the variety of colors and patterns were wonderful to study. They had come to the campus for a gathering of bagpipers from all over the world. It was a highlight in my visit to the university.

Day 151

Achy yesterday. Walking against the wind was not pleasant. Kelle and I had a great lunch at Sea West and aside from that did a few errands and that’s all. Today we will walk to the farmers’ market and she will go visit the trees on Walker Road. I’m catching up a bit on house stuff and want to get the hummingbird feeder installed. Other projects are waiting. We may get the wind chimes restrung. Kelle’s visits are always too short.

Day 150

Now I’m confident that the internet system is working reliably. The tech checked everything including going up the pole. He made a box around the outside connections for weather protection. Senior center duty was okay. Kelle came for lunch. We had a walk to Rumiano’s for cheeses. The storytelling group was good fun and lots of laughs. I enjoyed Carol being here. She adds a lot of support. Today Kelle and I will make up an agenda as we go along. 

Day 149

Lots of glitches in the tech stuff and now I’m waiting for another service call. I had a meltdown yesterday when Kelle let a supervisor in without my knowledge and later the system didn’t work again. We did get out for a walk and enjoyed the afternoon weather. Today is senior center duty and another day of visiting. The writing group will meet at 3 and I look forward to the time with all of us as Carol will be here!

Day 148

I asked for quicker fix for the modem and it happened. All mended by 2PM. It helps to be a squeaky wheel. The tech was here to install the equipment and did a thorough check of all the parts. Laurie and I tweaked the volunteer flyer. Now Ivan has to approve and it can be printed. Kelle and Ellen arrived. We had dinner at Good Harvest and will visit a while before she goes north and I go to the museum.

Day 147

No internet since yesterday afternoon and won’t be fixed until Thursday evening. I guess that now and then it’s good to look at personal addictions and my need to connect is obvious. I do check facebook during the day and I like knowing that I can find out what’s going on in the world while sitting in my kitchen. Today I’m cleaning house for Kelle and her friend, Ellen. They will be here early afternoon and she is staying until Monday.

Day 146

Didn’t go to church. I walked over and then came home. I just can’t sit with comfort and didn’t want to squirm and wish I was home. I did walk. Met Ivan and we talked about the volunteer flier for the PD. I’ll get together with Laurie soon and whip out a final product.   Today is senior center day and I’m ready to get out with people after a quiet weekend. It is gray and calm. I will need a coat and hat.

Day 145

Yesterday the wind won and I stayed inside. The large tomato plant lost a branch and today it is propped up with bungie cords. Now it’s calm and foggy. Nice change. I think I’ll make it to church today. I’m planning on it now. First, water the orchids, and take a long walk. I enjoyed walking to market with Hollie. We both found produce we wanted, carrots, zucchini, and green beans. I like our Saturday morning together. So do the dogs.

POH

On the Friday following my visit with Dona I met a new friend, Tera Bella, founder of the Moon Tribe. She has a vision of cooperative small groups of like-minded people who would connect the community in positive ways. They would be intimate trusting groups in safe settings. Her ideas are idealistic and relevant to our city where it is difficult to break in and make friendly contacts.

Once started the groups could maintain themselves as leaderless groups with single intentions such as mothers with babies, single parents, crafts, games, and the list of possibilities is endless. I am interested in her vision for elder circles, men in one group, women in their group. Again, small discussion and learning gatherings with topics like conscious aging, sharing health tips, motivating and inspiring each other to fill their lives with purpose and enjoyment. Like Dona, there are many older people who need the stimulation of socializing and friendship. Loneliness leads to depression. My personal goal would be to interest people in finding volunteer places that would give them a reason to get up in the morning and dress for public service.

I googled elder circles and found a couple of websites. It’s a new concept and as the aging population increases daily, it is timely to find ways to develop this positive outlet for our older people. One group is active politically with protest marches against practices that have long term problems for our grandchildren. Another group offers themselves as problem solvers.

I feel excited about being part of this venture and getting involved in its beginning, and the reality of changing aging to saging and being part of connecting our spirits in forward moving ways.

Day 144

Calm sunny Saturday morning. Hollie is coming and we’ll walk to the farmers’ market. I hope to find green beans and tomatoes. It’s always fun to walk around and see what’s new and who is there. I may take an early walk as the wind will blow a gale again later. It will mess with the tents at the market. The yard needs attention especially Megan’s yard. Don’t know exactly how to make it look better but less weeds would help.

Day 143

Start out with the dogs to the groomer, then a quick two-step through Walmart, and on to Safeway. This is my once a month shopping day while the dogs are busy. I’ll walk later than usual and then the house needs attention. Kelle will show up on Tuesday for a short visit. I’m mulling over the course for facilitating conscious aging. I have an energy budget and am shy about the responsibility. I’m not sure I want to do public presentations.

day 142

The X-ray showed what I already knew, degenerative arthritis. No help for that except to keep moving. I’ll go back to physical therapy and get the core muscles toned up. I admit that I have not been good at doing the mat exercises regularly. I have a new museum volunteer that will start next week. This morning I will walk by the PD to pick up the volunteer flier that Laurie made. We want to have it ready for the fair.

Day 141

Had an X-ray yesterday. Hope it shows something that I can overcome with good practices. I don’t want to slow down. Tonda is retiring and she moved my file to Deb Tyler. Guess I have to break in a new medical person. Still looking for a new museum partner. Cathy decided not to have a regular duty. I must know someone it would be fun to spend four hours with. I will get out early to walk before the wind starts.

Day 140

Going to see Tonda and whine about pain. I don’t like pills but I’m willing to medicate so I can sleep without the tussle to find a place that doesn’t hurt. First, I will walk. Maybe slow but I will walk. Then the long sit at the board of supervisors meeting. I want to be there even with squirming and the pain on standing up. Oh well, I can do it. I feel that I support the process by being there.

Day 139

My back wasn’t working well yesterday and medication made me sleepy. Oh well, the giants won again and that’s about the only positive thing I can say about the whole day. Today is calm and sunny. The rain was welcome. It dusted off the leaves and refreshed the trees. Senior center duty today. I will walk later than usual to save my back for duty. Spasms and pain are not good companions. I’ve been so well that this setback is discouraging.

Day 138

Saturday started slow and didn’t get past snail pace. Darn it all, waking up with a migraine, medicating, and then feeling dull are not my ideas of how to spend time. I may go to church. Didn’t go last week. I’m feeling detached from St. Paul’s. In the meantime, the rain is back and wet enough so I don’t need to water. I did pull a few weeds yesterday. The gophers ate some potatoes and pea vines. I love my gardens.

POH

Sitting with Dona 

Our longtime friends came from Idaho for the Fourth of July week to complete the business of selling property. Laurie’s mother, Dona, lives with them and came on the trip. Rod and Laurie did not want Dona to go to the house that was once hers so they asked me to sit with her while they loaded up whatever they wanted to keep. Laurie and my daughter Hollie have been friends since seventh grade and Dona and I have been friends nearly that long. Dona is 87 years old and frail. I am 81, active, essentially healthy and grateful for it.

As we sat together she began to tell me about her life and revealed her fears about her health and her awareness that she is losing her mental capacity. She expressed anger and frustration and impatience with her circumstances. We commiserated about our aging bodies and lost energy to complete the activities that were our favorites like gardening and sewing. She grieved her growing dependence on others to help with the most basic of tasks. The most heartfelt need she expressed was for a friend. Both of us have wonderful daughters. We could have searched the world and not found better ones anywhere. But, they are a generation younger and despite our mutual histories, there are differences in our requirements for a full life. Oh, she said, remember how we could sit and talk for hours and now I have no one. If only I had one friend my age, my life would be better. We need to be with people who had the same presidents, the same wars, the same struggles, the same music, and all the rest. We don’t need to be sat down and left alone. Yes, they bring me food, wash my clothes, take me to the doctor, they bought me a lift chair, and all that, but they are not companions, they are care-takers who feel obligated. They forget that we need a friend.

Day 137

Tera and I brainstormed, ate Snickerdoodles that Megan baked, and drank tea. Lovely way to get acquainted. I want to be part of Moon Tribe. I need to figure out how I fit in. It’s still raining so I don’t have to water the gardens. Warm summer rain makes everything grow even faster. Today I will walk to the farmers’ market. Maybe there will be green beans. I did get a walk yesterday when it was misty. It’s moisturizer for sure.

Carol shared her birthday roses as she is allergic. I enjoy them for her.

Day 136

Friday. Raining. Almost a day off. I will have conversation at noon with Tara Bella that will be pleasant. Yesterday the senior center was almost more than I could take and I did bolt early. Writing group is cool shade on a hot day, an oasis from noise and frenzy, a group of women who don’t want to go home because they are so comfortable and full of pure enjoyment. We all laugh a lot and sharing is deep and honest.

Day 135

Cathy O’Connor came to the museum with me and we had a great time. Lots of visitors and that makes a good day. Then we munched a vegetarian club that was enough for dinner also. Made it home in time to sit with Dona while Laurie and Rod loaded the truck from the house they sold. Dona and I had a comfortable chat and warm hugs. I’m glad I had time with her. Regular Thursday: walking, senior center duty, writing group.

Day 134

Back to routine today beginning with a walk and museum duty. Don’t know what else might happen and I’m open to change. Sarah’s massage left me pink and sore. She does dig deep. It does my body a service to dig out the knots. Later, I ate a veggie burger like a cave woman, crammed it in and loved every crumb. I enjoyed showing the garden to Rod. He will go home to Idaho and make one. He already has bales.

Day 133

Worked happily for four hours and then I cried Uncle. It was busy at the pie social. Achy from standing and wanting ibuprofen and recliner time. The electricity went off during the Giants game. Second wind kicked in as Megan and I went to Holllie’s for dinner with Laurie’s family. Nine at the table with food for 20! It was a lively day. Minnie didn’t enjoy the fireworks and is just fine this morning. I’m still a little tired but happy. 

Day 132

Yesterday was another flat one. I guess I need to accept that sometimes I’m not a ball of fire. It’s okay. Today Hollie and I will walk to the museum at 8:30 to prepare for the pie and ice-cream social. I pour coffee and give out water bottles. We have done this for eleven years. Later Laurie, Rod, and Dona at Hollie’s house. Good food and lots of laughter.  Then Minnie and I will snuggle while she shivers through the fireworks.

Day 131

Minnie is distressed by the fireworks and crawled under the covers. She is inconsolable  even with the herbal remedy. Tomorrow will be worse.  I do what I can for her and it’s not enough. At least I’m home for the night noise. I wasted most of yesterday and regretted it in the evening. I wanted activity with others and instead sat, ate, and watched reruns on TV. I did not reach out or find an interesting place to use my energy. 

POH

When Eileen Evermore had her jewelry and art gallery next to the Triplicate office, I would go once a week to sit so she could out and do errands during business hours. Sometimes she would even get a lunch with friends. Her giant German shepherd, Timber, would sit with me in the front window. I had my journal on my lap and would write and watch people. The passing people would often do a double take when I moved or the dog stood up. I guess we looked like art work! If I sat there long enough I would see everyone I know as it is a busy intersection. Friends would come in and visit and that gave me the chance to show them around. I learned a lot about our local artists. It was a pleasant
experience.

Day 130

The five-pound flat of blueberries is already half gone! I gave some away but most have gone into my body with all the anti-oxidants busily at work. This morning I will meet Hollie at the farmers’ market. I like that routine so much and enjoy every single minute of her company and the walk around the market. I want zucchini to try a new recipe. Don’t need to buy greens any longer as my crop is ready. I love my gardens.

Chicken, humus and red kale on a whole wheat pita. Good way to start the day.

Day 129

We accomplished information gathering and that’s a good start. Today is errands and shopping day. It’s necessary or I wouldn’t do it. First groceries early as the Friday before a holiday weekend will create a mess at the store. Then blueberries from the farm. Tera Bella is coming to visit at noon and Megan is making scones with blueberry sauce. We will talk about elder circles among other community activities. It feels like an ongoing connection and opening for new projects.