Day 251

I started the facilitators’ manual for conscious aging and found that it was unusable for our purposes. For one thing, we aren’t planning big groups and don’t want a structured program. There are ways to personalize the material. Other than church and a refreshing walk in the wind, I sat too much. It’s so easy to drop into the comfort zone with the dogs on my lap. Today is Halloween and I’m going to the senior center dressed as a volunteer.

Charley Smith performed Janis Joplin songs for the lunch bunch at the senior center.

Day 250

Rainy Sunday morning and after a restful sleep, I’m ready for an active day. First, the exercises. They really set me up for the day and I like the feeling that I have taken care of my body proactively. Later, after church, I’ll move away from the TV and get something done that will feel better than sitting, eating, and drowsing. I’m better than that. Did get four walks yesterday. Megan and I enjoyed a last lunch at Rebecca’s Pilipino stand. 

POH

My family of origin was parents and two children. We moved a lot and had no extended family. I did eventually meet two of my father’s brothers, Uncle Lou and Uncle Ted and their families but that was never long enough to know them. Because of the frequent moves and moves within the moves, I didn’t have friends until we landed in Eureka and mother refused to move again. In the fifth grade, I met Patricia who was a neighbor and we walked to Lincoln school together. She was the reason I made an effort to stay at Lincoln after we moved to 6^th street. In the seventh grade, I met Marjorie and we rode our bicycles to Junior High together. Marjorie’s grandmother lived next door to her and was a welcoming presence in my memory. She was in her rocking chair in her warm kitchen when we would come in after school. I remember cookies and sitting with her. I also spent time with Marjorie’s aunt and uncle and enjoyed the visits to Dows Prairie where they lived. I kind of adopted her family and her little brother and sister. I didn’t like her step-father. Marjorie and I stayed close friends through marriage and babies. 

Day 249

Last farmers’ market of the season. It’s a time to share with Hollie. We look for things to do together. She is busy taking care of Chuck and her home and I am often involved in my own busyness. Yesterday was full with Rosie and plans. We are going to start the facilitators’ book and go through with an eye to adapting the program to meet our goals and our participants. Good activity for rainy days. I’ll start with PT exercises.

Day 248

The writing/story group is such a pleasure. Yesterday Carol, Laurie, Karen and I shared until 5 PM! They just don’t want to go home. We talked about the guilt that goes with retirement and the gross treatment from workers’ comp. It was helpful to all of us to share. Today I’m having breakfast with Rosie and we will get on with our workbook study and plan what to do next. I want to tell her Mike Mavris’ conversation about elder speakers.

Day 247

No housework happened, nor did writing, nor did exercising, and the workshop was disappointing. Blah. New day, new choices to make and gratitude to spread. I did get to mention conscious aging but Michael only said that POH stories would be helpful. Getting today started right: coffee, paper, lap full of dogs to watch news, and now dusting and vacuuming the rug. I finished reading the last session of the workbook and found myself already aging consciously. Not bragging, just proactive.

Day 246

Must start with housework. The floors need attention. Four dogs and rain have had their effect and I want it clean for tomorrow’s writing friends. Today is the POH workshop with Michael Czarnecki and I am so happy that Carol is going with me thanks to a last minute space cancellation. We make a good team. And I will definitely WRITE today. I’m getting behind with the reading and I want to be prepared for a session with Rosie on Friday.

Day 245

Must do day! Must exercise, must write. I can’t keep saying, Oh well, and still feel good about myself. I have tied self-care with self-respect. Today is the board of sups meeting and the weather will allow a walk in the wind. I did get steps on the rebounder yesterday but only a tiny time out in the rain and wind. It’s going to be a wet season and I need to get a weather outfit that makes going out comfortable.

Day 244

I’m avoiding the writing assignments and that’s a new one. When I balk at the learning curve, I dawdle until I can’t stand it any longer and then dive in and get it done. Here’s hoping that it works for this project. I did clearing the yard and fill the green bin. The tomato plant had grown into the pear tree and all through the kale and chard patch. It was still covered with baby tomatoes but it was through growing.

Day 243

I was also reluctant to write! Me, who makes sense out of the world with words could not sit down and write the assignment for the conscious aging program. I gave myself all sorts of rationalizing such as I’ve already written about these topics many times, I’ll do it later, etc. I was also reluctant to climb up the ladder and clean the gutters. I have learned to ask for help and Tony did the job. They are free of moss.

POH

I was injured at school when a 130 pound student ran up behind me, put both of her hands on my right shoulder, and leaped into the air saying I love you. I crumpled up while trying to grab a railing and that was my last day of teaching. Next, months of depression, rejection, isolation, physical pain, and the depersonalizing workers’ comp process. I was 57 years old. My personal goal had been to teach until I was 60 with 35 years of experience. When that didn’t happen I was not prepared for the void that I now faced. I felt old and useless. Thanks to an excellent neuro-surgeon my spinal injury was corrected and I fully participated in rehabilitation. Then what?

I found volunteering and jumped in to the best of my abilities. The sore spot in my mind was the fact that I was not a working woman any longer. I found myself apologizing for not working. I wanted to tell my victim story about how the school superintendent said they had no legal obligation to find me a safe place to work. I was embarrassed to get a retirement check. This behavior actually went on until I was 60! That was the age when I planned on retiring. Then I could relax about not being on a payroll somewhere and it changed volunteering into service rather than activity to placate my work ethic. This episode, thankfully forgiven, was my first awareness of aging and how I could use it productively and comfortably. 

Day 242

 No agenda. Well, yes, agenda as in getting exercise. I skipped yesterday and that won’t do. The exercises help a lot and I get silly about getting down to business. I find something to do like check the laundry or suddenly have to sweep, pace and look out the window. Then I finally get down on the mat and get to work. It’s like when I know I’m going to get in cold water but make it an agonizing slow process.

Day 241

I was tired and wanted to come home. Might be getting a cold. Megan came home after four days. I’m guessing this will go on until she graduates. I’m glad she has a place to stay and she doesn’t have so many trips but I get tired of her dogs. Today I will shop while the dogs are at the spa. I’ll drive for half an hour. It’s good for the battery and the rest of the stuff under the hood.

Day 240

Beautiful early morning. There is an ice ring around the moon and the clouds parted so I could enjoy it. Rosie and I studied two hours yesterday and it was all good. I need to catch up to her by doing the lessons every day. She is motivating me. Today at the senior center, Home Depot is bringing the ingredients for terrariums. I’m taking a pickle jar. I rarely join in the activities so this is a new one for me.

Day 239

Yesterday was good. Fresh air, clean from the long rain. I’ll get my routine early and touch up the floors a bit too. Later, I’ll meet with Rosie for a walk on the beach and studying our workbook for conscious aging. So far I’m liking the work. I see my own process in the reading. I am aging well, productively and positively.  Even the nearly 300 columns I wrote for senior news are part of my process. I am exceeding expectations.

Day 238

I seem to mess up when I order on-line. Can’t get it right the first time. I hope I did the right boxes to get my acidophilus from Vitacost. I am using lots of yogurt and these supplements as prescribed by Dr. Getty. I do what I know how to do to strengthen my immune system. Today is damp but improving and I’ll get out for a long walk or maybe two. Later I’ll walk to Karen’s house for a massage. 

Day 237

Dark Monday morning. I expect a routine day beginning with exercises and senior center duty. It may clear later for a walk. I did walk yesterday between showers and it felt good to be outside. I want to go see how the garden is faring after the deluge and gale winds. From the window, the plants are standing tall. Lots of kale, chard and beets along with the zucchini still producing blossoms. The garden will last all winter for fresh greens.

Day 236

Yesterday was storm watching, pacing, and eating. I felt stressed as the barometer dropped. I did get a short brisk walk and loved the wind. Rosie and I have a date to pursue our study of conscious aging. I love her plans. She will keep my motivation in high gear. She wants us to be ready to start groups in January and I will be ready. I have pages to study and questions to answer for our meeting/beach walk on Wednesday.
POH

Typical coastal fog. It’s down on the ground and our airport is right on the coast.  I wonder what the chances are for getting out of here.  I want to meet my connection in San Francisco by 2 P. M.  The taxi takes me in time for all the security measures and waiting time.  After I give my suitcase to the attendant, I scan the room for a seat.  It is full and noisy in the waiting area.  The seating is around the outside of the room with a back to back row in the middle.  I spot a seat near the window. It is the last empty seat. The woman in the next seat begins a tirade about security, the wait, late flights, and so on.  “They can put a man on the moon and can’t get a plane off the ground on time.”  The woman is leaning on the armrest and nearly touching my shoulder.  I am uncomfortable both with the tone of voice, the content, and the invasion of my personal space.  Here I am looking forward to an adventure and this woman would drain my energy if I allowed it.  I look around the room and wonder if I would be better off standing when I become interested in a group in the middle of the room.  About a dozen people are sitting and standing together in a smiling, laughing, hugging group of ages from 7 to 70.  Now, that’s my kind of people. I watch and listen to them.  It seems OK to eavesdrop in a public place.  The two elders in the group are the ones leaving. All the others have come to say Bon Voyage and to reiterate the highlights of their visit.  I am intrigued by their good-natured banter, and the closeness, almost intimacy of their interactions. 

The pilots enter the room. “San Francisco is fogged in. Only one  runway is open. We can wait here or circle for an hour. We decided that we want breakfast!  Our phones are on and if the news comes that we can land sooner, we’ll be back.”

 I would rather wait than go in circles, using fuel, and belted in.  There is another rush of laughing and hugging with the center group and they say, “Good.  We have an extra hour together.” 

The woman next to me is walking around, spreading her bad humor among the others after she noticed that I wouldn’t respond to her.  I relax in the chair, stretching my back before settling in. I watch the interactions in the center stage. I am fascinated by group dynamics and this group is wonderful to observe.

The attendant signals that it is time for us to go through the screening and into the security waiting area.  Loud good-byes are exchanged along with vigorous hugs as the family leaves. We collect our handbags to join the line at the scanning machine.  A flashlight I carry is challenged.  After turning it on and off to be sure it is a flashlight, she drops it back into my purse and gestures toward the door.  We walk to the room and enter to find a different seating arrangement.  It is a long room with chairs along the walls. We are facing one another.  The older couple who had been having so much fun in the waiting room bring their humor into this drab setting. They are retired park guides and are well equipped with stories.  In about five minutes, our group is laughing, sharing, and exchanging information.  The attendant says, “Hey, you guys are having too much fun in here.  Too much bonding going on.” 

Then the flight is finally announced and we trail out to the plane.  Once inside and seated and belted, we each seem to become involved in our own thoughts about the next part of our adventure. I sit with a pleasant review of the wait. It showed me that good spirits can save the day.

Day 235

Dark stormy warm morning. Probably lose power in the wind later. The focus of this storm is north and we are on the low edge so major stuff should miss us. I don’t know if the stories about aching joints when the barometer drops is myth or truth but I will attest to a sore start. I enjoyed walking in the wind and rain yesterday. Mother loved the high surf so I went to enjoy it for her. It is dramatic

Day 234

Wet and windy. I did get out for a drenching walk that included stepping in a puddle up past my ankle. It’s a warm tropical storm and 5 inches of rain fell already. The high spot was the story group. I love our time together and the sharing. It’s amazing how much we have in common under our differences. Today I’ll get out again at least to the dentist this afternoon. May stop at the cheese store on the way home.

Day 233

Both the PT session and the time with Rosie and the books were positive and enjoyable. Rosie and I share well will understand when our group members share. Brad said I will still have pain because of the old arthritic bones but his exercises do manage and now it’s up to me to keep going with my daily routine. Senior center duty in the rain today. The trees must be sighing with joy and wind will take off the dry leaves.

Day 232

Today is an ending and a beginning: last physical therapy session and the first session with Rosie and the conscious aging workbook. Both are welcome. The PT has helped with pain control and I am stronger and more flexible. I will continue to do the exercises as I know their value. Rosie and I need to complete the workbook before we can start the facilitator book. We are primed and ready for action. She has great ideas about setting up groups. 

Day 231

Damp morning so I won’t have to water the sod that is finally installed in Megan’s yard. I’ve been waiting months for Joel to show up. A big storm is arriving in a couple of days and I hope it helps green up the sod. Now if only more of the items on my list get done. I’ve never had the slow response that I’ve had this year. Home maintenance is my challenge as I have to rely on other people. 

Day 230

Day off from senior center duty. Good. I still have a fragile head and the idea of a noisy place is not okay. I will devote time to errands and groceries and maybe chase a few dust bunnies if I can bend down to push the mop under the bed. Megan had a fun experience with her camping trip. I’m glad she had the break from the stress of her college classes. She is stretching in all directions. She does well.

Day 229

I may take this day off and do nothing. Well, I will do laundry and see what I can do easily in the yard but I feel the need for rest from routine and people, except for exercising and walking. I must admit that the fuzzy headaches have prevented fully enjoying life for a few days. That time flies thing is true and hits me when I think I have recently paid a bill and find out it’s a new one. 

POH

I met Kelle Sanders in 2002 at Optimum Health Institute in San Diego. I went there because I wanted to get well after a long spell of unwellness. I sat next to her in a class and we talked about journaling while we were there. We went to the meditation room later and shared crayons and pens as we wrote. We met at breakfast and went to class together most days. She invited me to leave the institute on a Friday night and go to a movie downtown. We took our institute dinner with us. We saw Amelie and enjoyed it. Both of us were there for three weeks. Kelle started calling me on Sunday evenings as she was traveling back to Long Beach from class she was taking in Santa Barbara. The calls became a habit and still occur regularly. In 2005, Kelle came for her Christmas break and came every year until 2012 when she came in July. 2013 and 2014 she came at Christmas again. She did not come in 2015 as she used the money to have her car painted and this year she came in July again. She may come in November again. I enjoy her visits. She wants a project while she is here and in the past has organized my closet, cleaned the garden shed a couple of times, painted the fuel tank, put new address numbers on the front steps and others projects. We walk a lot, eat a lot, and generally enjoy time.

Day 228

Walk to the farmers’ market, get the mat down and get busy with the exercises, enjoy Saturday, and that’s all. Megan is camping, Hollie is going swimming, and I am dog sitting. I enjoyed being part of the dem effort. We put flyers in door hanger packets. It is a complex project depending on which candidates’ info goes in which packet according to precinct and district. I will do voter registration too. It is so important to support our local people.

Day 227

Headache is receding slowly making the morning drag by. Pale sunshine outside and I want to feel like going out and walking. I am going to the democratic office this afternoon to stuff envelopes and whatever else needs doing. I’m going to be involved in this election here for my candidates. I don’t pay attention to the clown show that the national scene has produced. It’s way passed my tolerance for stupid and ridiculous. One month and it will be over. 

Day 226

I ordered the conscious aging program from Noetic Science Institute. Now Rosie will order hers and we will study together and plan for groups. It has been on my agenda since the visit with Dona on July 4^th. Today will start with the routine that I enjoy and appreciate. Exercising not only makes my body happy but improves my self-respect. I have errands today and the floors require exercise too. The stove top also needs a rub down. Life is good.

Day 225

Yesterday I stopped at Rite-Aid for flu and pneumonia shots. All set for the season. Sarah did her usual magic and my body feels whole when she has finished the massage. I told her that she sews my parts together. It’s wet out and I will finish the yard clearing early along with the usual routine. Later I have a physical therapy session and will do my best to show my progress. I feel well and strong when I exercise daily. 

Day 224

The bright spot in this gray day will be Sarah for a massage. She does good work for me and when I get home, I want to go to bed! I will cut down my favorite limelight hydrangea this morning. The rain has discolored it and made it droop. Later the lacy blue one will go as I cut them both off at the ground every fall. They come back strong and healthy. But first, the essentials: exercise, walking, and breakfast.

Day 223

Woke up eager to get the week started. Nothing new is on the agenda but I am grateful for the life I have created. The Giants won a wildcard spot in the playoffs. That felt good after so many disappointing endings for their games, I took heart from this win as if I found some personal energy from it. The rain is welcome. I can already see green coming back in the yard. The bale greens are holding up their leaves.

Day 222

I finished the driving course. It was helpful in one change and that is that I will back out of the driveway differently to avoid the fast drivers that come up J Street. The rest of the alternatives I already do in deference to my age. I had a talk with two union workers on my walk. They are diligent in their quest for better salaries. I respect their efforts. I watched the rain pour down and the leaves float by.

POH

I had three babies in less than two years so I had three toddlers, three elementary students, and three teen-agers. One of the pleasant memories of their teen-age years is teaching them to drive. One boy at a time in the car for a long drive on various roads in the county made for intimate conversations. I remember feeling closer to each of them at that time. Both boys wanted to drive too fast and take corners too quickly. I did get them to think before they made a move. I learned a lot about their attitudes and interests. Both of the boys went on to impulsive acts and at one time we joked that I should have a seat in traffic court with my name on it. They graduated to motorcycles and I told them I didn’t want to hear stories. Hollie was easier in all ways and driving lessons with her were fun. We had good conversations and I learned a lot about her too. Little cameo photos of a long ago time.

Day 221

October first and it’s raining hard. The garden is sighing with pleasure and I’m sure the trees are doing happy dances. We will go to the farmers’ market later and between showers. The rest of the day is routine, clean the computer, soak the orchids, do a lesson on the AARP driving course, exercise, walk. Yesterday was full of family: Megan and I had lunch at Sea West, Chuck and Hollie came. The dogs were happy to have the extra laps.