Day 312

New Year’s Eve and my excitement may be staying awake until 9 PM to watch the ball drop in New York City. Yesterday I made tarp tents for the lemon trees that I will deploy tomorrow evening and continue as long as the freeze is an issue. I piled material from the bales around the bases of both trees. I don’t know how to protect the greens except covering them loosely. Maybe today the household will get attention. Not promising anything. 

Day 311

1

Today I’ ll get the pipes wrapped before the temperature dips into the hard freeze zone. The lemon tree needs protection and I’ll figure out how to cover the green produce on the bales. The freeze starts on Sunday, January 1^st and I wonder if it’s a sign of climate changes. I will pull myself out of the comfort zone to vacuum the rugs and dust. The house shows my lack of physical energy and the blank pages show my mental desert.

Day 310

The MRI experience was easy. The breeze helped and I kept my eyes closed. Today I have a dermatologist appointment to take off the “barnacles” that are a bother. Senior center duty after a week away is appealing. I can only spend a few days alone before it gets too comfortable. I need to get out and do something useful on a regular basis. Gene and Carol are home. My key didn’t work so I couldn’t warm their house for them. 

Day 309

Breszny offered topics for writing in his horoscope: appreciation, imagination, and shadow washing. I have lots to say about these. I need acknowledgement rather than appreciation. I need to know that I am part of a group and connected. Imagination is missing at this time. I wish I knew how to court the muse to bring new ideas. The shadow needs washing. I carry old misdeeds, miscommunications, old beliefs, and  wants that make the shadow heavier than it needs to be.

Day 308

I am word poor. It’s been too long since I wrote a new POH for the Sunday blog. No words come or memories that I wish to put down in black and white. Maybe it’s the dark time or the grief I’m feeling for the future of our country. I want to pull myself up and do the work required to carry on with my life. My paper journal calls and I don’t answer. I know I have stories to tell.

Day 307

No agenda for the day after Christmas. We had a comfortable family day and a delicious meal. All in all, it was the celebration that we wanted. I have things I could take care of today like finishing up the cupboard straightening in the kitchen. I want to get out for a walk in the brisk air. It’s white outside and cozy inside. Wish I had a pithy statement about life. I guess counting my blessings is always a good thing. 

Day 306

The church was beautiful as was the singing. I enjoyed the service. Today Hollie and I will prepare a simple meal: roast beef, potatoes, Brussels sprouts, fruit salad, and that’s all. We have streamlined holidays and I’m comfortable without frills. It is white outside and I won’t go out for a walk until there is no ice on the car. One more week of 2016 and I’m praying for miracles. I want this anxiety and grief to be replaced with joy.

POH

One Christmas, my daughter Hollie and I decided to save all our coins for a year and give them to my granddaughter Megan on the next Christmas. We dumped the pile of coins on the floor and all joined in sorting and piling and counting the coins. When they were counted and rolled, we had enough to plan a trip together.  New York City was our choice. We country people were going to the big city across the country.

I went to the travel agent and made the arrangements, bought the tickets, chose the Broadway play, purchased the travelers’ checks, and all the necessary organizational items. We left on January 8, 2002,  and had breakfast in San Francisco airport with me finding the closest restaurant to our gate.  Megan called her mother to tell her what we were doing. In Denver, I said, “Let’s get ice cream cones and walk backwards on the moving sidewalk”, and we did. After landing at the New York airport, we were whisked away to our hotel where we fell into bed after this very long day. 

First morning in the Big Apple.  We dressed in warm clothes and headed for the elevator.  On the street, following the directions from the doorman, we headed the two blocks to Times Square.  There was the sea of people, heads down, bundled with scarves and hats against the 40 degree morning, all walking fast.  I did not know how to get started. As I stood there overwhelmed by the thundering herd of people, the honking horns, roar of traffic, and too too much input, Megan grabbed my hand and said, “Let’s go, Grandma.” Suddenly she was leading me through the crowd like a quarterback going for the goal line. She had already spotted places she wanted to visit, such as Virgin Records, and Toy’s R Us with the full sized Ferris wheel in the window. Just those two stores had more people in them than live in our whole county! She saw the “naked cowboy”, the sign for the visitor’s center, the direction to the tour bus, and I simply followed her.  The role reversal was dramatic and lasted for the eight days of our trip.  The only time I was comfortable was seven in the morning when I would walk around the block and stop at Starbucks to bring coffee back to the hotel. I figured I could make four left turns and end up where I started. Megan ventured out to shop with the confidence of an eighteen year old to find gifts to bring home to her friends. We went to see Phantom of the Opera on Broadway and I do not think her back ever touched the back of her seat.  She perched on the front edge and absorbed the whole wonderful event, noticing everything like a sponge soaking up water. We went to Brooklyn and Fulton’s Landing one night. She asked where the World Trade Center towers should have been. The man said, “See that big black hole. It used to shine with a thousand lights.” She found our way to the Guggenheim museum, the MOMA, Tiffany’s, and the Met.  I followed. While I am squeezing my eyes tight, and having while knuckles, she is enjoying the rides in New York taxis.

On the way home, she again let me do the leading through airports and baggage carousels, until we were back in our little village by the sea, full to bursting with all the sights and sounds of the big city. See what a collection of coins can do to make a Christmas wish come true!

Day 305

Christmas Eve and that means nothing in our family. I am thankful that we gave it up years ago: no tree, no presents, no cards, no stress except the bombardment from commercials. I stay out of stores after Thanksgiving. It is a relief to be honest about Christmas. I will go to church at 7 to sing carols and participate in the service. That is all the tribute this season gets. Then we move on to the usual business of life.

day 304

Another good nights’ sleep and walking with no pain. The exercises work on managing the pain. I need to keep it up and enjoy the results. Yesterday was another good one. After a long spell of seasonal depression, a positive attitude reminds me who I am. It has rained all night and hopefully a break will happen for at least a quick walk outside. It’s so much more satisfying to be in the open air in spite of the cold wind.

Day 303

Finally have the pills after another Walgreen’s misadventure. I do not like that store! Two good walks outside and lunch with Megan. I pulled a few weeds as it is easy in the wet soil. Lots more to do on the dry days. One wish fulfilled: someone stole the satellite dish that was on the front lawn. It was supposed to go to the dump and now it’s somewhere else. Today I’m looking forward to senior center duty. And walking again.

Day 302

Karen’s massage led to a good night’s sleep! Best rest in weeks. It will make for a better day. Still not connected to the prescription. Two and a half weeks and still no pills for my sore joints. No agenda except groceries. I will get a brief walk but not push it. Rest has helped with the pain. I’m concerned about slowing down. Is this the future? Walking has been part of my day for as long as I can remember.

Day 301

Yesterday started well and the afternoon, not so much. Danette came and fixed the  computer glitches for me but the external hard drive would not back up successfully. Then Mrs. Tyler finally called regarding the prescription followed by Walgreen’s call that my insurance has a problem. Egads. I went to bed. The horrible orange man got in my rest and I had to get up at midnight and walk before I could sleep again. I’ll see Karen for massage this afternoon.

Day 300

Before I go into the senior center for duty, I will go next door to the doctors’ office and ask for the prescription that was promised two weeks ago at my appointment. The other items have been scheduled. I need help with the pain. It is running my life and that’s not okay. I am doing the exercises and doing what walking the leg will allow followed by a little prancing on the rebounder. Sometimes that doesn’t work either. Get moving.

Day 299

Sunday. After church, when it warms up as much as it’s going to warm, I’ll walk. I have the ingredients for a vegetable soup and that will be fun to make and eat. The farm stand was busy and full of harvest foods. I enjoy going there and supporting local industry. Other than that, I sat, watched old Christmas movies, and ate. Must be a little seasonal depression, grief from the collective, or simply not motivated. Pain slows me down.

Day 298

I’m going to the farm stand after the ice melts off the car. I want potatoes, cabbage, carrots, and whatever else looks like I can use it. Megan is home from school for her mid-term break after finals. I had two walks outside yesterday. I was having pain but did it anyway. Slow but out walking. I have an appointment for an MRI on the hip bones to see what is going on in there. I want to be moving well.

Day 297

Another day of clear and cold. It’s a relief after the drenching rain. The dogs have a date with the groomer while I get errands taken care of. Chicken soup is cooking and I am up for a good day. Yes, exercise first. It’s been ten days and even though I exercise while prancing on the rebounder, it is not the same as getting on the mat and toning the core. I miss using my body well. Story group was wonderful

Day 296

Planning a routine day, at last. First exercise, then prepare for duty at the senior center. I’m looking forward to getting out with people. Later, a short walk outside as I get ready for my writing/story group. I look forward to the group. It is often the high point in the week. My sore joint is still reminding me of overdoing and I will pay attention. The problem is that it doesn’t hurt until after I have offended. Life is good.

Day 295

Yesterday was nearly normal. My bones were sore but held me up and allowed for walking outside. The board meeting ended sadly with the good-byes to David and Martha. I may be inspired to write a letter to the editor. This morning I will get my blood test done after 8 AM. Hollie is coming over later to visit and that’s it for an agenda. It is wet and windy and will continue so I may not get an outside walk.

Day 294

Woke up feeling well! I can walk almost normally for a few steps and that’s improvement. I will get my exercises done before a trip to the store. Later, board of supervisors meeting and then a quiet afternoon. I still have a bit of congestion in my sinuses but sneezing is way less. Cillay called yesterday. She talks and talks and calls it a conversation. I have to interrupt to say anything. I guess she is lonely. My life is full.

Day 293

Fewer sneezing episodes. My right leg doesn’t want to hold me up but it is not as painful. Today I asked Hollie to take Minnie to the vet for her rabies vaccination and well dog exam. I will also ask her to do a little shopping for bananas and toilet paper. I not so dull and grumpy so must be on the healing road. Maybe I can get the prescription that was promised last Monday and I haven’t connected with yet.

POH

Back in 1966, I was teaching in Hydesville in a K-8 school with five teachers. Everybody did double duty. I taught Kindergarten in the morning, fourth grade math while that teacher was teaching science to the 7^th and 8^th grade. Later I would go into the 7^th grade for English while the teacher did his half time principal job. It was a family, close and mutually supportive. Alice was my teaching friend and she and I did the construction of programs, meetings, PTS stuff, all the community gatherings. At graduation, Alice and I decorated, placed chairs, made programs, organized the students who were presenting, etc. everything. At four o’clock, she and I borrowed a pick up truck and drove into Fortuna to pick up the punch and the cake. We went to the Town Club first and the guy put the milk jug of punch right inside the tailgate so we could get it out easier. Then to the Adventist Bakery for the cake. The baker carried the cake and put it right behind the cab so the wind wouldn’t blow the lid off. Then we headed back to Hydesville. A car came across in front of Alice and she slammed on the brakes. The milk can did a little dance up the bed of the truck and laid down on the cake. The other driver stopped to apologize and when he saw how upset we were, he said, What’s the matter? Did you break a cake? We scurried back to the bakery where they were ready to close and they built us another cake. We got back to school just as the parents were coming in for the graduation ceremony.  We carried the broken cake into the break room and cut out a piece for the principal that read, Ass of “66.

Day 292

Today will be a replay of yesterday. Snooze, sneeze, prance during commercials, watch lots of sugary hallmark Christmas movies and comfortable to be quiet and rest. The week could improve and I’m hoping to catch up by Wednesday. No agenda except the routine and I miss it. I miss walking most of all. It has been part of my day for years and I want it to be for years to come. I can get my joints to work well again.

Day 291

Still no prescription. By the time I connect with it, I won’t need it. The leg pain is less with all the resting. I miss walking! Just prancing on the rebounder is a good thing but not the same as strutting down the street in the wind and rain and whatever the weather. Today I’ll rest some more. Coughing and sneezing too. And a mild case of seasonal depression. Oh well, I know my life is good and I am blessed.

Day 290

I found spam and pita. Good filling food. Still have a right leg that doesn’t want to hold my weight but it is modestly improved with all the resting. I did exercise and will again today even though the cold symptoms have landed and added to my misery. The senior center was busy and I’m glad I went. I wouldn’t feel any better staying home and I was useful. Today I will connect with my prescription and fill my empty cupboards.

Day 289

Blah. Another nothing day but aching, coughing and staring at TV. Today I will decide if I want to go to the senior center for duty or stay in again. I really need to get out with people and my cupboard is bare. One need or the other must get filled. I’m not good at staying quietly waiting for health to resume. I will get the mat down and see how the exercises go. Then I’ll scrounge for something to eat

Day 288

Didn’t go to Sarah. Didn’t step outside. Rosie and I worked on the Forgiveness session. On top of the leg pain I have a cold. Rest and ice helped the leg a bit but it doesn’t hold my weight so I have a strange walking gait that is making my whole body sore. Today will be a repeat of sitting, icing, whining, and hoping for rest. I could write or color, clean closets or kitchen cupboards, or sit and watch TV.

Day 287

Walking didn’t happen and I missed it a lot. I didn’t exercise but did my senior center duty and little else. The medical appointment was informative and produced further appointments for an MRI, skin doctor, blood tests, a new prescription to help with the pain, and giving a history to Deborah. I have never had a medical person ask as many questions as she did! Today Rosie and I will work on the program and Sarah will iron out my kinks.

Day 286

Had a kind of sick evening, coughing and sneezing. The bone pain lasted longer and I’m tired and achy. Still busy with the curriculum for our conscious aging program. I printed eleven pages and then the printer wouldn’t do page 12! I don’t know why or how to fix it. Today is clear and cold and I will walk after senior center duty. Then I will have my first visit with Deb Tyler who took Tonda’s place at my medical office.

Day 285

Or sit and watch old movies and long for an interruption or motivation. Bone pain made for short walks, one with dogs. Maybe it’s the cold snap but I’m not doing well with walking out the pain as I usually do. I don’t like being confined. Today after church, I will work at the Christmas Bazaar for the museum. I like being part of community functions. I see lots of people I know and swap howdies and quick catch up conversations.

Day 284

Day 284

Yesterday was blah. Bone pain and a case of the grumpy attitude. I did get out for a walk and that was all. Today is an improvement already. No agenda but I can be creative about time and energy. I can study the conscious aging program and plan our next meeting. The way time shoots by is scary. I can get creative about food too and explore a new recipe. It’s a subject that I often think about but rarely do.

Day 283

Yesterday was good starting with exercise and setting up for fun. I warmed up the car with a highway drive before going to the senior center. Charlie shared a game that had us laughing hard and enjoying each other. Later Dr. Allen came for an appointment and it was good to see him and catch up. Hollie came after her visit with Judy and the dog community was happy to see her. Then the writing story group that was pure enjoyment.

Day 282

The housework bug bit me and resulted in clean floors, moved furniture, and feeling good about my ability to keep house. I was thinking about hiring Sheila but I can do it myself. Still deciding about a new hot tub. May not, may get rid of the sauna instead. It’s been a year and I have only missed the spa a couple of times. It’s expensive to keep items that I don’t use and purging seems to be on the agenda. 

Day 281

Due to a lack of energy and motivation yesterday, when my pace could not be described as “slow motion”, I did not achieve anything. So, I begin today with intention and hope the body will allow housework, exercise, and walking, the basics. Last day of November and not one word is written in the paper journal. Will December open up the flow of words? These 81 words are often not enough and sometimes too many to remember the day.

Day 280

A day with no agenda except the regular events. I am starting with the PT exercises as I know it makes a difference to my day. And walking is also important. Then I plan to do a serious purge of the back closet. I can amass the unused clothing and take it to the used clothing store to exchange for a change in wardrobe. I’m hoping for something new today whether it be an opportunity, or an idea, or a person.

Day 279

Monday and back to the senior center duty after a week off. There are people there that I look forward to seeing and sometimes it is boring because there is nothing to do. I’m kind of stuck at my desk. Taking a vacation from news has been good. I can’t deal with the bigger world right now so am concentrating on what I can do and that’s right here at home. The anger and hate are too much and I’m anxious. 

Day 278

The memorial was well attended and well done. Lots of laughing and hugs. I walked in the wind and rain yesterday and got a chill. Felt poorly for about an hour and then up and running again. Today is the first day of Advent and I will go to church. Later, more turkey soup full of noodles, chard, and kale. I have floors to tend and may get more deep cleaning done. I have enjoyed the neat closet. Now for drawers.

POH

In the early 1970’s, I was assigned to a special education pilot program for brain injured and emotionally disturbed children. My class was called Primary One because I had the students with little or no academic skills. They were different ages since it was not set up like a grade level class. I had siblings who had started a fire that resulted in the death of a sibling. I want to write about Matt Lehman who was six years old at the time. Blue eyed, blond haired, cute looking and stiff as a stone statue. I had a rocking chair and I would pick him up and rock him until he relaxed enough to make eye contact and then we would talk. He made great progress in the three R’s. It was an engineered classroom, fully structured and made use of task cards that earned rewards at the end of the day. An m&m was placed on each check on the card.

A few months ago, I came out of Safeway and was called by a guy in an old beat up pickup truck. I went over to see who called me and it was Matt, methed up and tweaked to the max. “You owe me three M&M’s”. He remembered a time when he felt safe and cared for. I wish I could say that I saved him from what was inevitable but I did make a difference once.

Day 277

Another stormy day and I want to get out before the rain starts. Later I will go to Jerry Gordon’s memorial. He was a sweet man and I’m glad he didn’t live to see the results of the election. He, Gene, and Robert were passionate democrats and Hillary supporters. They would be heartbroken at the election of the orange man. I have turkey soup and bone broth. Both will serve my body. The dogs will feast on the pickings for days.

Day 276

We had a good dinner together after the usual fun with four dogs in the kitchen hoping something would fall on them. Our simplified menu works well and even with it, we had enough food for today and tomorrow! It was a juicy turkey, great dressing, garlic mashed potatoes and three vegetables. We didn’t bother with pie since nobody ever eats it on Thanksgiving. We have crusty rolls for sandwiches. I get to make soup, my favorite part of the feast.

Day 275

Thanksgiving Day. Turkey is waiting, the ingredients for dinner are on hand. Hollie and I will fix plenty of our simple menu. Yesterday Della was back to herself, wagging and prancing around. Blessed dog. I texted my people early with a message of thankfulness for them. Now I know who gets up early and turns on their phones! I love my friends. My life is full. Yes, exercises first, quick walk before the rain starts again. Self-care doesn’t take a holiday.

Day 274

Rosie and I made progress with our conscious saging program. The board of supervisors meeting was ho-hum. Not much business on this holiday week. Megan is home. We will hear about her trip later when Hollie comes for our shopping trip. We have cut down our dinner to basics and I like it that way. As long as there is lots of food, we don’t need frills. May get the morning routine done early. I need the exercises and the walk.

Day 273

I woke up without a headache! The vet gave advice and information and Della has been normal after seizures all day Sunday. Hopefully this was an aberration and won’t happen often. Today Rosie and I will have our breakfast meeting about conscious saging and then attend the board of supervisors meeting together. I will exercise early and walk later before the rain starts again. Megan is in Davis to attend a masters’ class in accounting. She may go there next year. 

Day 272

No church yesterday. Not well. Art and Ellen came to see if Art could fix the TV. We took it back to Walmart and got another one. It didn’t work either so another trip to get a third set. It works after Art spent an hour on the phone with tech support. Della is not well. She is acting like she’s having petit mal seizures. I’ll get her to the vet. Not a good day. Hoping for relief today. Too much stress.

Day 271

Still feeling fragile this morning. This is a long time to feel unwell. Yesterday I mainly sat and ate junk. I did get out for short walks between rain showers. I saw a double rainbow and that was a treat. Today I may go to church. I’ll decide later when I see how my head is doing. I do want to clean the closet and make a pile of give-aways. I own things that I do not and will not use.

Day 270

New TV installed but not in tune with the cable so I need two remotes. I’ll find a fix for that. Not feeling tip-top. The headaches and visual disturbances are a nuisance. Coffee usually takes the worst of it and I can deal with the dull feelings. It’s storming outside and I’m hoping to get out between showers. I need a foray to the grocery store. I’m in the mood for a meat loaf with two meats and several vegs inside.

Day 269

Not full of vigor but doing fine. Today is dog wash day and when I drop them off, I will go to Walmart and buy a new television set. The old one has had it and I admit to my addiction to watching TV. I may buy a new hot tub too. I’m missing my spa time. It’s been a year without and I need to do it or get rid of the sauna as I don’t use it by itself. 

Day 268

Routine day except the TV won’t respond to the remote and so I’ll buy a new set. Same old senior center duty except Hollie may stop by after her doctor visit. Same old dog sitting except Megan will come home and she has a week off from school. Same old walking except Cooper Street is still flooded so there is no traffic to watch for. Same old headache even though Karen worked on my neck. No exercises when my head aches.

Day 267

The highlight of yesterday was time with Rosie. We took the first lesson apart and simplified it, personalized it, and agreed to move on. She will join me at the board of supervisors meetings to keep track of the creeps that won the local elections. The whole country seems to be on the lowest of the low roads and someone has to bring positivity and hope.  PTSD symptoms are rampant and staying connected to like-minded people is essential to mental wellbeing. 

Day 266

Today will start with the routine and then breakfast with Rosie. We are going to design our own curriculum for conscious saging. Yesterday was okay. I did get the exercises done well before walking and had a later walk too. The senior center was okay and I promised Chef Charlie that I would write a letter to the editor about lunch. We need a bigger number of diners. He does a good job of bringing variety and nutrition to the meals.

Day 265

I did walk. Church did help. The hydrangea did get cut down. The mood was lighter although anxiety hit at night again. The awful kicked in the stomach feeling is still there. It’s Monday and a new day. The moon peeked out from a veil of clouds. It was a super moon and has made high tides. Rain is coming for the week. I will get out and walk early before it rains. Senior Center duty and home for something else.

Day 264

Woke up after another night fraught with anxiety.  I had to get up about midnight and walk around, look out the windows, and see that everything is the same. This morning I am achy but not in pain. I’m hoping to get a good walk after four days of walking stick and pain meds. Church this morning and Fr. David will be here. Hoping for hope to come from the service. I will finish cutting the hydrangea as it will rain tomorrow.

POH

I admire Michelle Obama for the way she used her position to promote nutrition and exercise for children. Her predecessors have chosen new china patterns, painted room and redecorated public spaces in the White House but Michelle will leave a legacy that lasts forever. Michelle had a position in Chicago as a hospital administrator, a job she did competently. She didn’t want her husband to run for the presidency but supported him through the tough campaigns.  I like that she has sheltered her children and brought her mother with the family so the girls have a stable life in spite of travel, meetings, and other events that take the parents away. The girls are included in some visits to foreign countries when it is appropriate. I read an article that said the programs to emphasis diet and exercise had substantially brought down the percentage of child hood obesity.

There is a program on the food network hosted by Robert called Restaurant impossible where he changes kitchens and management to improve the business. Michelle invited him to a child care center in the darkest and poorest part of DC. Two volunteers fixed meals in a home style kitchen and had to feed the children outside. Robert took down walls, built a big kitchen and dining room and invited her to lunch with the children. Wonderful, she said, but there’s more. She asked Robert to build a garden and he did with the help of gardeners. They showed the kids how to grow vegetables and tend the gardens.

Day 263

The shock is wearing off and then comes back in waves of anguish. News is awful and already shows the ugly behavior that it started. The good stuff from yesterday was the successful walk in the parade and the bystanders who joined us. Then Hollie and Megan and I went to SeaWest and had pad thai and it was a delicious meal with laughing. Today I have errands and shopping early. Still feeling tired and having pain in my arthritic joints.

Day 262

Today I will walk in the Veterans’ Day parade and I hope others will join to show that we are still alive and well and already getting busy on steadying each other. Later I may have energy for the yard. We are between rain showers and I have more to clear. Megan sent a message about the university pall and the hope songs from the students. They are the future. We must find positive ways to overcome. I love my country.

Dday 261

Yesterday was horrible. The shock and seasick feelings lasted all day. Unsteady and unwilling to accept the results. Then the car battery died, I gave bad directions to Erna to come and get me for my HICAP appointment with Helen, and finally connected with Les Schwab for a new battery. Exhausting day all around. I did sleep and today is fresh. I need pain management exercises and house tidying for writing/story group. The group is the high spot in the week.

Day 260

The nightmare happened when I woke up and found that it was the president. It’s out of my ability to comprehend how anyone, to say nothing of a majority of voters, could lose their moral compasses and elect that person. I fear for my country and its place in the world. Makes me comforted that California is a blue state. Also glad that Robert, Gene, and Jerry are gone and won’t have to suffer with this situation. Local is also bad.

Day 259

It’s election day but the anxiety won’t go until the finals happen and then what? I had a good morning yesterday and a kind of blah afternoon. Today I will walk first, then go to the board of supervisors meeting. It should be interesting in light of the dirty tricks played by two of the candidates. If either of them win, then a recall will happen tomorrow. I’m hoping this restless energy will find a focus. I will clean the yard.

Day 258

I watched Christmas movies on hallmark channel. I did get out for a walk and went to church. It was all saints’ day and I talked about Kim who was not a saint but was my hero for the brave way he lived his simple complicated life. I had tears and again later. Today I’ll get out early to walk. It is now dark by 5 PM so getting out means doing the morning routine fast enough to enjoy morning light. 

Day 257

It was a quiet day and I expect today will be. Church is on the agenda along with the regular items. Life is routine and that is fine with me. Motivation is still high on the priority list. I want my body to serve as long as possible and I’m in charge of the program to do that. Must admit my nutrition yesterday was not good. I leaned toward carbohydrates and little else. Anxiety over the political scene could be contributing.

POH

I graduated from HSC in 1964 after 12 years of regular classes, summer sessions, extension classes, and correspondence courses. My husband bought me a motorcycle to celebrate. It was a trail bike with knobby tires. He had a big bike. I had to have motorcycle boots because in those days it had a kick starter and the thing would come back and sock me in the ankle. A few bruises and I was ready to wear the boots. The first time I dropped it was in gravel. He ran over to check on the bike. Didn’t notice the blood on my elbow and cheek. I would take Hollie on the front with me and he would take both boys, one in front and one in back. We had fun trips around the back roads and trails close to our home. In the divorce, he took the motorcycle and gave it to his sister. The first time she rode it, it threw her on the ground and broke her arm. I had a hard time feeling bad about it.

Day 256

Yesterday was productive. Filled the agenda. While I was under the lemon tree, a cat came over the fence. Della and the cat made friends. It was sweet. It was the most animated that I have seen Della since she became blind. Today I will get out early to beat the rain for a good long walk. Megan and I made a run to Daily Bread with her purged stuff including a dresser. She is learning to downsize and enjoy space.

Day 255

Early shopping and errands today and then settle in to the yard work. I may get under the lemon tree and remove the lowest branches so it can get dry. Too many sluggy things live under there. I’ll do more trimming of the shrubs too. These warm days need to be used well before we are cold and dark. Maybe physical work will help with the restlessness that I can’t seem to focus. Exercising and walking are always on the agenda.

Day 254

No, nothing new occurred. Guess I have to go find something as it’s increasingly obvious that sitting here isn’t going to change anything. I took a couple of long walks, did a tiny bit of housework, emptied the dishwasher and that’s about all. What’s going on when my physical energy is up and I don’t know what to do with it. Kelle had a bad day and called to debrief and cry. I’m glad to be here to hear and empathize. 

Day 253

A day with only routine agenda. Maybe Rosie and I will study or make a plan for later. The Dems need phone call people to get the voters out. May do that for an hour or two. May clean house or clean the yard or not. Maybe find something new and stimulating, something fun. I’m ready for a new activity or new people. And I like my routine days. That may be enough for today while staying aware of possible opportunities.

Day 252

November 1^st, a week until the election happens. I’m sickened by the deluge of ugliness. It’s the first time I’ve been glad that Gene is not alive. He would be desperately unhappy at what’s happening in his beloved country. I grieve with his spirit. Misty morning so exercise first, then walk, then the deep massage that Sarah gives my body. I want more from my days, proof that I’m feeling well. If I’m wimpy, I don’t care about getting anything done.

Day 251

I started the facilitators’ manual for conscious aging and found that it was unusable for our purposes. For one thing, we aren’t planning big groups and don’t want a structured program. There are ways to personalize the material. Other than church and a refreshing walk in the wind, I sat too much. It’s so easy to drop into the comfort zone with the dogs on my lap. Today is Halloween and I’m going to the senior center dressed as a volunteer.

Charley Smith performed Janis Joplin songs for the lunch bunch at the senior center.

Day 250

Rainy Sunday morning and after a restful sleep, I’m ready for an active day. First, the exercises. They really set me up for the day and I like the feeling that I have taken care of my body proactively. Later, after church, I’ll move away from the TV and get something done that will feel better than sitting, eating, and drowsing. I’m better than that. Did get four walks yesterday. Megan and I enjoyed a last lunch at Rebecca’s Pilipino stand. 

POH

My family of origin was parents and two children. We moved a lot and had no extended family. I did eventually meet two of my father’s brothers, Uncle Lou and Uncle Ted and their families but that was never long enough to know them. Because of the frequent moves and moves within the moves, I didn’t have friends until we landed in Eureka and mother refused to move again. In the fifth grade, I met Patricia who was a neighbor and we walked to Lincoln school together. She was the reason I made an effort to stay at Lincoln after we moved to 6^th street. In the seventh grade, I met Marjorie and we rode our bicycles to Junior High together. Marjorie’s grandmother lived next door to her and was a welcoming presence in my memory. She was in her rocking chair in her warm kitchen when we would come in after school. I remember cookies and sitting with her. I also spent time with Marjorie’s aunt and uncle and enjoyed the visits to Dows Prairie where they lived. I kind of adopted her family and her little brother and sister. I didn’t like her step-father. Marjorie and I stayed close friends through marriage and babies. 

Day 249

Last farmers’ market of the season. It’s a time to share with Hollie. We look for things to do together. She is busy taking care of Chuck and her home and I am often involved in my own busyness. Yesterday was full with Rosie and plans. We are going to start the facilitators’ book and go through with an eye to adapting the program to meet our goals and our participants. Good activity for rainy days. I’ll start with PT exercises.

Day 248

The writing/story group is such a pleasure. Yesterday Carol, Laurie, Karen and I shared until 5 PM! They just don’t want to go home. We talked about the guilt that goes with retirement and the gross treatment from workers’ comp. It was helpful to all of us to share. Today I’m having breakfast with Rosie and we will get on with our workbook study and plan what to do next. I want to tell her Mike Mavris’ conversation about elder speakers.

Day 247

No housework happened, nor did writing, nor did exercising, and the workshop was disappointing. Blah. New day, new choices to make and gratitude to spread. I did get to mention conscious aging but Michael only said that POH stories would be helpful. Getting today started right: coffee, paper, lap full of dogs to watch news, and now dusting and vacuuming the rug. I finished reading the last session of the workbook and found myself already aging consciously. Not bragging, just proactive.

Day 246

Must start with housework. The floors need attention. Four dogs and rain have had their effect and I want it clean for tomorrow’s writing friends. Today is the POH workshop with Michael Czarnecki and I am so happy that Carol is going with me thanks to a last minute space cancellation. We make a good team. And I will definitely WRITE today. I’m getting behind with the reading and I want to be prepared for a session with Rosie on Friday.

Day 245

Must do day! Must exercise, must write. I can’t keep saying, Oh well, and still feel good about myself. I have tied self-care with self-respect. Today is the board of sups meeting and the weather will allow a walk in the wind. I did get steps on the rebounder yesterday but only a tiny time out in the rain and wind. It’s going to be a wet season and I need to get a weather outfit that makes going out comfortable.

Day 244

I’m avoiding the writing assignments and that’s a new one. When I balk at the learning curve, I dawdle until I can’t stand it any longer and then dive in and get it done. Here’s hoping that it works for this project. I did clearing the yard and fill the green bin. The tomato plant had grown into the pear tree and all through the kale and chard patch. It was still covered with baby tomatoes but it was through growing.

Day 243

I was also reluctant to write! Me, who makes sense out of the world with words could not sit down and write the assignment for the conscious aging program. I gave myself all sorts of rationalizing such as I’ve already written about these topics many times, I’ll do it later, etc. I was also reluctant to climb up the ladder and clean the gutters. I have learned to ask for help and Tony did the job. They are free of moss.

POH

I was injured at school when a 130 pound student ran up behind me, put both of her hands on my right shoulder, and leaped into the air saying I love you. I crumpled up while trying to grab a railing and that was my last day of teaching. Next, months of depression, rejection, isolation, physical pain, and the depersonalizing workers’ comp process. I was 57 years old. My personal goal had been to teach until I was 60 with 35 years of experience. When that didn’t happen I was not prepared for the void that I now faced. I felt old and useless. Thanks to an excellent neuro-surgeon my spinal injury was corrected and I fully participated in rehabilitation. Then what?

I found volunteering and jumped in to the best of my abilities. The sore spot in my mind was the fact that I was not a working woman any longer. I found myself apologizing for not working. I wanted to tell my victim story about how the school superintendent said they had no legal obligation to find me a safe place to work. I was embarrassed to get a retirement check. This behavior actually went on until I was 60! That was the age when I planned on retiring. Then I could relax about not being on a payroll somewhere and it changed volunteering into service rather than activity to placate my work ethic. This episode, thankfully forgiven, was my first awareness of aging and how I could use it productively and comfortably. 

Day 242

 No agenda. Well, yes, agenda as in getting exercise. I skipped yesterday and that won’t do. The exercises help a lot and I get silly about getting down to business. I find something to do like check the laundry or suddenly have to sweep, pace and look out the window. Then I finally get down on the mat and get to work. It’s like when I know I’m going to get in cold water but make it an agonizing slow process.

Day 241

I was tired and wanted to come home. Might be getting a cold. Megan came home after four days. I’m guessing this will go on until she graduates. I’m glad she has a place to stay and she doesn’t have so many trips but I get tired of her dogs. Today I will shop while the dogs are at the spa. I’ll drive for half an hour. It’s good for the battery and the rest of the stuff under the hood.

Day 240

Beautiful early morning. There is an ice ring around the moon and the clouds parted so I could enjoy it. Rosie and I studied two hours yesterday and it was all good. I need to catch up to her by doing the lessons every day. She is motivating me. Today at the senior center, Home Depot is bringing the ingredients for terrariums. I’m taking a pickle jar. I rarely join in the activities so this is a new one for me.

Day 239

Yesterday was good. Fresh air, clean from the long rain. I’ll get my routine early and touch up the floors a bit too. Later, I’ll meet with Rosie for a walk on the beach and studying our workbook for conscious aging. So far I’m liking the work. I see my own process in the reading. I am aging well, productively and positively.  Even the nearly 300 columns I wrote for senior news are part of my process. I am exceeding expectations.

Day 238

I seem to mess up when I order on-line. Can’t get it right the first time. I hope I did the right boxes to get my acidophilus from Vitacost. I am using lots of yogurt and these supplements as prescribed by Dr. Getty. I do what I know how to do to strengthen my immune system. Today is damp but improving and I’ll get out for a long walk or maybe two. Later I’ll walk to Karen’s house for a massage. 

Day 237

Dark Monday morning. I expect a routine day beginning with exercises and senior center duty. It may clear later for a walk. I did walk yesterday between showers and it felt good to be outside. I want to go see how the garden is faring after the deluge and gale winds. From the window, the plants are standing tall. Lots of kale, chard and beets along with the zucchini still producing blossoms. The garden will last all winter for fresh greens.

Day 236

Yesterday was storm watching, pacing, and eating. I felt stressed as the barometer dropped. I did get a short brisk walk and loved the wind. Rosie and I have a date to pursue our study of conscious aging. I love her plans. She will keep my motivation in high gear. She wants us to be ready to start groups in January and I will be ready. I have pages to study and questions to answer for our meeting/beach walk on Wednesday.
POH

Typical coastal fog. It’s down on the ground and our airport is right on the coast.  I wonder what the chances are for getting out of here.  I want to meet my connection in San Francisco by 2 P. M.  The taxi takes me in time for all the security measures and waiting time.  After I give my suitcase to the attendant, I scan the room for a seat.  It is full and noisy in the waiting area.  The seating is around the outside of the room with a back to back row in the middle.  I spot a seat near the window. It is the last empty seat. The woman in the next seat begins a tirade about security, the wait, late flights, and so on.  “They can put a man on the moon and can’t get a plane off the ground on time.”  The woman is leaning on the armrest and nearly touching my shoulder.  I am uncomfortable both with the tone of voice, the content, and the invasion of my personal space.  Here I am looking forward to an adventure and this woman would drain my energy if I allowed it.  I look around the room and wonder if I would be better off standing when I become interested in a group in the middle of the room.  About a dozen people are sitting and standing together in a smiling, laughing, hugging group of ages from 7 to 70.  Now, that’s my kind of people. I watch and listen to them.  It seems OK to eavesdrop in a public place.  The two elders in the group are the ones leaving. All the others have come to say Bon Voyage and to reiterate the highlights of their visit.  I am intrigued by their good-natured banter, and the closeness, almost intimacy of their interactions. 

The pilots enter the room. “San Francisco is fogged in. Only one  runway is open. We can wait here or circle for an hour. We decided that we want breakfast!  Our phones are on and if the news comes that we can land sooner, we’ll be back.”

 I would rather wait than go in circles, using fuel, and belted in.  There is another rush of laughing and hugging with the center group and they say, “Good.  We have an extra hour together.” 

The woman next to me is walking around, spreading her bad humor among the others after she noticed that I wouldn’t respond to her.  I relax in the chair, stretching my back before settling in. I watch the interactions in the center stage. I am fascinated by group dynamics and this group is wonderful to observe.

The attendant signals that it is time for us to go through the screening and into the security waiting area.  Loud good-byes are exchanged along with vigorous hugs as the family leaves. We collect our handbags to join the line at the scanning machine.  A flashlight I carry is challenged.  After turning it on and off to be sure it is a flashlight, she drops it back into my purse and gestures toward the door.  We walk to the room and enter to find a different seating arrangement.  It is a long room with chairs along the walls. We are facing one another.  The older couple who had been having so much fun in the waiting room bring their humor into this drab setting. They are retired park guides and are well equipped with stories.  In about five minutes, our group is laughing, sharing, and exchanging information.  The attendant says, “Hey, you guys are having too much fun in here.  Too much bonding going on.” 

Then the flight is finally announced and we trail out to the plane.  Once inside and seated and belted, we each seem to become involved in our own thoughts about the next part of our adventure. I sit with a pleasant review of the wait. It showed me that good spirits can save the day.

Day 235

Dark stormy warm morning. Probably lose power in the wind later. The focus of this storm is north and we are on the low edge so major stuff should miss us. I don’t know if the stories about aching joints when the barometer drops is myth or truth but I will attest to a sore start. I enjoyed walking in the wind and rain yesterday. Mother loved the high surf so I went to enjoy it for her. It is dramatic

Day 234

Wet and windy. I did get out for a drenching walk that included stepping in a puddle up past my ankle. It’s a warm tropical storm and 5 inches of rain fell already. The high spot was the story group. I love our time together and the sharing. It’s amazing how much we have in common under our differences. Today I’ll get out again at least to the dentist this afternoon. May stop at the cheese store on the way home.

Day 233

Both the PT session and the time with Rosie and the books were positive and enjoyable. Rosie and I share well will understand when our group members share. Brad said I will still have pain because of the old arthritic bones but his exercises do manage and now it’s up to me to keep going with my daily routine. Senior center duty in the rain today. The trees must be sighing with joy and wind will take off the dry leaves.

Day 232

Today is an ending and a beginning: last physical therapy session and the first session with Rosie and the conscious aging workbook. Both are welcome. The PT has helped with pain control and I am stronger and more flexible. I will continue to do the exercises as I know their value. Rosie and I need to complete the workbook before we can start the facilitator book. We are primed and ready for action. She has great ideas about setting up groups. 

Day 231

Damp morning so I won’t have to water the sod that is finally installed in Megan’s yard. I’ve been waiting months for Joel to show up. A big storm is arriving in a couple of days and I hope it helps green up the sod. Now if only more of the items on my list get done. I’ve never had the slow response that I’ve had this year. Home maintenance is my challenge as I have to rely on other people. 

Day 230

Day off from senior center duty. Good. I still have a fragile head and the idea of a noisy place is not okay. I will devote time to errands and groceries and maybe chase a few dust bunnies if I can bend down to push the mop under the bed. Megan had a fun experience with her camping trip. I’m glad she had the break from the stress of her college classes. She is stretching in all directions. She does well.

Day 229

I may take this day off and do nothing. Well, I will do laundry and see what I can do easily in the yard but I feel the need for rest from routine and people, except for exercising and walking. I must admit that the fuzzy headaches have prevented fully enjoying life for a few days. That time flies thing is true and hits me when I think I have recently paid a bill and find out it’s a new one. 

POH

I met Kelle Sanders in 2002 at Optimum Health Institute in San Diego. I went there because I wanted to get well after a long spell of unwellness. I sat next to her in a class and we talked about journaling while we were there. We went to the meditation room later and shared crayons and pens as we wrote. We met at breakfast and went to class together most days. She invited me to leave the institute on a Friday night and go to a movie downtown. We took our institute dinner with us. We saw Amelie and enjoyed it. Both of us were there for three weeks. Kelle started calling me on Sunday evenings as she was traveling back to Long Beach from class she was taking in Santa Barbara. The calls became a habit and still occur regularly. In 2005, Kelle came for her Christmas break and came every year until 2012 when she came in July. 2013 and 2014 she came at Christmas again. She did not come in 2015 as she used the money to have her car painted and this year she came in July again. She may come in November again. I enjoy her visits. She wants a project while she is here and in the past has organized my closet, cleaned the garden shed a couple of times, painted the fuel tank, put new address numbers on the front steps and others projects. We walk a lot, eat a lot, and generally enjoy time.

Day 228

Walk to the farmers’ market, get the mat down and get busy with the exercises, enjoy Saturday, and that’s all. Megan is camping, Hollie is going swimming, and I am dog sitting. I enjoyed being part of the dem effort. We put flyers in door hanger packets. It is a complex project depending on which candidates’ info goes in which packet according to precinct and district. I will do voter registration too. It is so important to support our local people.

Day 227

Headache is receding slowly making the morning drag by. Pale sunshine outside and I want to feel like going out and walking. I am going to the democratic office this afternoon to stuff envelopes and whatever else needs doing. I’m going to be involved in this election here for my candidates. I don’t pay attention to the clown show that the national scene has produced. It’s way passed my tolerance for stupid and ridiculous. One month and it will be over. 

Day 226

I ordered the conscious aging program from Noetic Science Institute. Now Rosie will order hers and we will study together and plan for groups. It has been on my agenda since the visit with Dona on July 4^th. Today will start with the routine that I enjoy and appreciate. Exercising not only makes my body happy but improves my self-respect. I have errands today and the floors require exercise too. The stove top also needs a rub down. Life is good.

Day 225

Yesterday I stopped at Rite-Aid for flu and pneumonia shots. All set for the season. Sarah did her usual magic and my body feels whole when she has finished the massage. I told her that she sews my parts together. It’s wet out and I will finish the yard clearing early along with the usual routine. Later I have a physical therapy session and will do my best to show my progress. I feel well and strong when I exercise daily. 

Day 224

The bright spot in this gray day will be Sarah for a massage. She does good work for me and when I get home, I want to go to bed! I will cut down my favorite limelight hydrangea this morning. The rain has discolored it and made it droop. Later the lacy blue one will go as I cut them both off at the ground every fall. They come back strong and healthy. But first, the essentials: exercise, walking, and breakfast.

Day 223

Woke up eager to get the week started. Nothing new is on the agenda but I am grateful for the life I have created. The Giants won a wildcard spot in the playoffs. That felt good after so many disappointing endings for their games, I took heart from this win as if I found some personal energy from it. The rain is welcome. I can already see green coming back in the yard. The bale greens are holding up their leaves.

Day 222

I finished the driving course. It was helpful in one change and that is that I will back out of the driveway differently to avoid the fast drivers that come up J Street. The rest of the alternatives I already do in deference to my age. I had a talk with two union workers on my walk. They are diligent in their quest for better salaries. I respect their efforts. I watched the rain pour down and the leaves float by.

POH

I had three babies in less than two years so I had three toddlers, three elementary students, and three teen-agers. One of the pleasant memories of their teen-age years is teaching them to drive. One boy at a time in the car for a long drive on various roads in the county made for intimate conversations. I remember feeling closer to each of them at that time. Both boys wanted to drive too fast and take corners too quickly. I did get them to think before they made a move. I learned a lot about their attitudes and interests. Both of the boys went on to impulsive acts and at one time we joked that I should have a seat in traffic court with my name on it. They graduated to motorcycles and I told them I didn’t want to hear stories. Hollie was easier in all ways and driving lessons with her were fun. We had good conversations and I learned a lot about her too. Little cameo photos of a long ago time.

Day 221

October first and it’s raining hard. The garden is sighing with pleasure and I’m sure the trees are doing happy dances. We will go to the farmers’ market later and between showers. The rest of the day is routine, clean the computer, soak the orchids, do a lesson on the AARP driving course, exercise, walk. Yesterday was full of family: Megan and I had lunch at Sea West, Chuck and Hollie came. The dogs were happy to have the extra laps.

Day 220

Yesterday was not as expected: car wouldn’t start so I didn’t get to the senior center, overboiled soup, warped my wooden cutting board, signed up for the wrong driving course, vacuum cleaner bag exploded and left a mess, etc. The bright spot was the story/writing group. I enjoy the women and their sharing. We laugh a lot and support the sadness and tears that happen with emotional stories. There is connection between our experiences more than our differences. Life is good.

Day 219

Yesterday was a good one. Lots of positive connections and conversations. Today I’ll get on the mat and go through the whole series of exercises including the new one, plank. I know it’s working to manage the discomfort from my arthritic joints. Later, a cool walk and I’ll remember a scarf around my neck. It’s senior center duty, and story group. It’s good to have a group come here regularly so I get the floors dusted! I enjoy my busy life.

Day 218

Last museum day until May. Much as I miss Rick, I have enjoyed Max as a partner. Later I have a physical therapy session and since it’s been a slow week, I will have to work harder than ever to show progress. I cleaned another part of the back yard and filled the green bin. That is motivation. I’m paying for the bin so I want to use it regularly. I’m taking the on-line AARP driving class too. Lots of errands.

Day 217

Foggy morning. I did get an early walk and hope to do that again. First the exercises must be done. I skipped them yesterday and I can tell. The exercises must be routine like brushing my teeth to have impact on pain management. Sitting at the board of supervisors meeting comes next and then an afternoon with no agenda. Yesterday I heard so many stories about depression, sadness, missed and lost stuff. I did get to give an ear and hugs.

Day 216

I live here because it doesn’t get too hot or too cold. We have a few of these hot days in the fall and I’m glad there are only a few. I did pull vines out of the lemon trees but I couldn’t stay outside. Today will be hot again and I have the house open now for the cool air. Then I will close it up to keep the cool inside. Hoping for an early walk and I’ll exercise later.

Day 215

I went to Karen’s singing bowls meditation last night. I don’t like to go out in the evening and I can’t say that I enjoyed it. Sitting is not my friend and it was a long sit. I came home and went to bed with an achy body. This morning I will finish the floors before I exercise and walk. It’s beautiful outside: warm, calm, and calling me. The garden needs water. The sprinkling did little to help the dry spell.

POH

I was four years old when I had a long sickness with chicken pox. My mom said I was sick for 12 weeks. I do remember sitting in the bathtub while she poured soda water over me to help with the itching. Someone brought me a teddy bear. It was huge, had a red bow, and I loved it. The same day that it was new, my brother pulled out one of his eyes and lost it. The bear was my companion through numerous moves from that house in Reno, to two other places in Reno, through three houses in Missoula, three houses in Salt Lake City, a hotel in San Francisco and three houses in Eureka. Lots of hugs and dragging him around left one leg worn and tattered. He slept on my bed until I was eleven when I sat him on top of my chest of drawers along with a music box and a horse figurine. One night I heard noises and in the morning I investigated where I thought the noise was coming from and I found that a nest of mice were living in my teddy bears leg. I freaked and yelled. My mom ran into my room expecting a catastrophe and found me crying at the desecration of my longtime companion. She disposed of the bear and the family of mice. I felt the loss when I looked at the chest and felt guilty that I hadn’t noticed the bear for a long time.

Day 214

Started the day with a text conversation with Jackie. Never thought I would be one of the people with the phone connected to my hand, but there I am. It’s a quick and easy way to keep in touch. Sometimes I text someone and ask how they are and we have a catch-up conversation. I like it. Today is the three generation walk to the farmers’ market. I like that too. Laundry, orchid care, sweeping, walking, exercises to come later on.

Day 213

Friday, and aside from taking Della to the vet for a teeth checkup, it’s an open day. I want to investigate the back closet. I’ve decided to upgrade my wardrobe and I’ll start with what I already own. Lots of the things in that closet are leftovers from long ago when I worked. My life is so simple now that I rarely have any occasion to dress up. Yesterday I wore a blazer with jeans and a shirt and felt dressed up.

Day 212

I did work hard at PT and, of course, Brad added to the exercises to make me work harder. I can do it. On the walk home, I feel like dancing and singing. I’ll start with exercising and walking. It’s senior center duty and nothing later in the day. I’m beginning to like simple days. It’s the autumnal equinox and the lights are on here in my space and in the living room. It’s time to take out the candles too.

Day 211

Today will be another good one. I just know. That bug that has been bothering me since August 7^th has finally gone. My immune system is working again. I walked six miles yesterday in three walks and enjoyed every step. Karen’s massage was magical and I left her without a single ache or pain. After museum duty, I have a physical therapy session and I will do well there too. I’m keeping up with the exercises. I want to be strong.

Day 210

It’s almost a day to myself. I will have a massage this afternoon and that will be timely as I intend to do yard clearing beforehand. Yesterday was a good one. The senior center was chatty and cheerful. Sometimes it isn’t fun. The dogs and I had a walk to town and they were given cookies at the office supply store. And there were chicken pieces for extra dinner. My dogs live better than a lot of people in this town.

Day 209

After a good Sunday, I’m ready for an even better Monday. The morning routine is exactly how I want to start it, followed by fun at the senior center. This afternoon, I want to do yard work and clear out another space. It will rain again soon and I want to be ready for it. The gladiolas are through and I will cut the dry stems. The lemon trees have morning glory vines that I will pull out. It is fall. 

Day 208

Saturday ended better than it started. The headache abated, the walk with Hollie and Megan to the farmers’ market was its usual pleasant occasion. I took a long slow walk around town and enjoyed the activities at Beachfront park. Soccer games, kid birthday party, baseball game, skate park people, disc golf, dog walkers.  People all over the place on a beautiful day. My energy came back and all exercises were performed. I went to sleep before the Giants lost another game.

POH

Often when I would visit my mother in Sonoma, we would go to Calistoga for the spa treatments. It would begin with a shower and then into the mud bath tub. The cement tubs were cleaned with live steam between clients so we knew the mud was clean. The attendant would help us in and then scoop handsful of mud and cover us right up to our chins. Then a cool cloth was added to the forehead and we soaked in the mud. When the time was ready, the attendant would unscoop the mud until we could stand and help with the unmudding. Then after another shower and we were helped into the bath tubs full of bubbling mineral water. From there we went into the steam room and sweated a lot while drinking mineral water. Next was being swaddled in wool blankets and nestled in for a nap with a cool cloth on our foreheads again. Later, a massage on a limp and relaxed body. After we recovered, we dressed and headed down the street to one of the many bistros, had wine and cheese with crusty bread and sighed with pleasure. It is a good memory of time with my mother.  

Day 207

I may give in to my long desired goal of staying in my pajamas. I have been bone weary from ordinary activities and that’s not okay. Not sure more rest is the answer but it’s the best one I have. I find that I do not enjoy days with more than two scheduled items. I get overtired. This must be one of those age related things as until recently I loved staying busy all day long. I will exercise and walk.

Day 206

Errands and shopping this morning. First the dogs go to the groomer and I do my once a month visit to Walmart for vitamin supplements and peanut butter. I do not like to shop there but the alternative is driving to Brookings. Then off to Safeway and grocery outlet for stocking the emptiness in my kitchen. Later I’ll attend a meet and greet for Kathryn Murray.  I support her running for supervisor and will write her a check. It’s civic responsibility.

Day 205

Nine and half hours of sleep! Della and I are both feeling much better this morning. I’m ready for a good day. Senior center duty after exercises and a walk. Later is the writing/story telling group and it is the highlight of the week. The board of supervisors meeting was loud and boisterous in favor of Safeway and slapping Gitlin for abuse of power. I was glad to be part of it. Bully behavior needs to be called out and stopped. 

Day 204

Rosalie and I will take the IONS program next month and begin forming elder circles. She has so much experience and lots of enthusiasm. I’m stoked. Della is miserable and we had a restless night. Her mouth is hurting her as teeth were removed. No pain meds came home with her only anti-biotics and an anti-inflammatory. The PT session was cancelled so museum duty is all I have to do. Feeling tired and a short day is a good thing.

Day 203

Poor Della. No breakfast and she is confused about the break in routine. She goes to the vet in an hour for dental care and no food or water. Yesterday the kitchen and bathroom turned out beautiful. I know I’m well when I notice the crumbs in the drawers and the dust on the refrigerator. Today I will go to the board of supervisors meeting, Rosalie is coming for a conversation about conscious aging, and then I can bring Della home.

Day 202

Ready for Monday! Regular activities today: exercise, walk, senior center duty, and must add shopping either before or after the senior center. If I go home I won’t shop. I did sweep the floors yesterday and the orchids didn’t get their water therapy so that is added to today. Hoping to get the kitchen slicked up including the crumbs under the toaster. I wait until I can’t ignore the little messes. Nothing seriously dirty, just not shiny, tidy, and cared for.

Day 201

Damp morning and I’m feeling kind of gray myself. Had a long sleep and still feel tired. Is this another age related state? I’ll start the day with exercises and plan a walk. Later, church. I do want to go. It’s September 11 and the news is full of the disaster 15 years ago. I don’t want to relive it. Hallmark channel is my friend lately as I don’t want political news either. I have an isolationist attitude for emotional comfort. 

POH

My father was a insurance claims adjuster whose territory was from Garberville to Crescent city to Weaverville. It was probably more than that but those places are in my story. The summer I was 16, he had me drive all his business trips so I could get a lot of highway experience. He was a silent man and didn’t offer conversation or advice about my driving. Often when he had business, he would get me a candy bar and a magazine and I would wait, or we would stop for coffee and pie. Most of the trips were local like Arcata or Fortuna. On one trip to Garberville, we went into a restaurant for lunch. My father asked for a hot pork sandwich. The waitress said, “You will have to have beef.” My father replied. “I don’t have to have anything.” And we left and found another restaurant. On a trip to Crescent City, he had business in an auto dealership owned by Roy Deo. They decided to have lunch together at the Blue Roof restaurant. When the meal was over, the two men challenged each other over the check. What happened was neither of them had any money and I ended up paying the bill. On a trip to Weaverville, Father learned that the person he needed to interview was working in a cinnabar mine called King Solomon’s mine. It was in the Klamath primitive area and we turned off at Forks of the Salmon. The driving was scaring the pants off me but he sat and didn’t offer help or advice. One lane, dirt, straight down on one side and no place to go on the other. I did it. Found the mine, found the man and then had to make the return trip. A truck came toward us and I had to back down the road as he had the right of way. I was sweating a storm and my father sat like Buddha. He did instill confidence and I learned to depend on myself. 

Day 200

Standing in support was a great experience. I felt the connection with every other tribe across the country and across time. People in sync create a powerful grid. This morning is family time, farmers’ market with Megan and Hollie. I look forward to this seasonal event. Later I will tackle the potato patch. It is the last part of the garden that needs cleaning. The bales are prolific and need gleaning. I’ll find someone to come and harvest kale and chard.

Day 199

Woke up tired and creaky. Darn it all. I have a long day coming up and I wanted to be full of brisk energy. I am going to Klamath with Karen Rath to stand with the tribe in support of Standing Rock. The combining of tribes feels important. It is the largest native protest ever and what they are asking for is justice. Yesterday I felt acknowledged in so many ways. Thank you, Universe, for letting me feel visible and accepted. 

Day 198

After physical therapy I was sore again. I work hard there and Brad keeps piling on ways to make me work even harder. I needed ice and may use the cane for a day or two. Today after the exercises, I’ll walk briefly and then get ready for duty at the senior center. I enjoyed the museum duty yesterday. That’s what makes a good day for me: interesting people and activity that is appropriate for my abilities, sharing, and meaningful conversation.

Day 197

Sarah took care of the muscles knots and sore spots with her deep massage. Today I’m walking without pain. First exercises, then walk, then museum duty, then PT session, then a new experience. Karen has invited me to a sound healing. She has an anti-gravity chair and will tuck me in and play her singing bowls. I’m looking forward to it. The dog exams were good. Della needs dental work but aside from that, both dogs are doing well. Moving along.

Day 196

Woke up sore from the yard work. Had to walk off tight places. I had a dream that I was late for school and all the scurrying that surrounds that event. Haven’t had a dream about school for years. Don’t know what triggered anxiety. Yesterday I was invited to a BBQ and found that I was not prepared to be social. It was a group that I enjoy and like being invited and included even though I didn’t attend. New day.

Day 195

Church was comfortable. Not sure that’s the purpose. I do get a connection to spirit at communion. All in all, yesterday morning was very good and the rest of the day was flat. I did the exercises well and feel the effects. Today I’ll push myself as the yard needs tending. The kales and chards are huge and need to be shared. It’s Labor Day and a good day to be grateful for retirement. I have made a career from mine.

Day 194

Hoping for a better day. Long sleep and I’m feeling alert and ready for more. I want to do the physical therapy exercises. Yesterday my body said NO and this morning, I feel the need to stretch and move. So, water orchids, water the garden, walk, go to church. Haven’t been for a month and I need to define my relationship with church. If I’m in, then be in. If I’m out, then be out. This wavering is tiresome. Get moving.

POH

Way back in the 70’s I was into healthy eating. With the help of Adele Davis’ cookbook, Let’s Cook It Right, I started baking bread. Every Saturday morning I would bake two loaves that didn’t last long enough to cool. The same morning I would set a pan of beans or soup and my teen-aged kids would show up with friends just as the bread came out of the oven. It was a good time in our relationships. The pleasure of baking bread is not only in the appreciative eaters, but in the process. Watching the yeast begin the process and adding everything good for the body. The kneading, the watching the rising dough, the wonderful smells of the dough and especially the smell of the fresh bread. I branched out and made cinnamon rolls, bread sticks, pizza dough, sourdough bread and pancakes. It was therapy from the week at school and a bonding with the family.